After finishing her blog posts about our dating story, Robin pleaded with me for weeks to write my version, but I always had an excuse (managing two small businesses is my fallback excuse for everything, but somehow Robin doesn’t give that excuse much merit).
Alas, after so many futile attempts, she apparently gave up because she hasn’t mentioned it for a while. It could have something to do with being busy with moving back to CA, buying and remodeling a condo, all the while growing a baby. Or it could be that she just gave up.
Regardless of the reason, a five hour flight is a great time to document my version (rebuttal) of our story while also appeasing my cute pregnant wife.
It all started for me back in September 2009. I had just finished grad school and moved to Orange County to take a breather before beginning the job search. The first Sunday in the area, I went to Church and noticed this cute, dark curly haired girl welcoming all the new girls to the ward. Since it was my first time in the ward, everyone was new to me, but I distinctly remember noticing Robin that day.
The month of October and most of November were full of a long trip to Mexico followed by an even longer and agonizing bout with kidney stones which basically kept me a prisoner in my bedroom and far away from all the happenings in the ward and world.
Robin was in my same Single Adult FHE group, which met weekly, so I noticed her a few times at different activities. The first time I remember really noticing her as in “I think I really want to get to know this girl”, was at our apt at one activity. The activity was over and she was just hanging out with a few other girls. She went in my roommate’s room to look around. (I call it being nosy, Robin calls it being inquisitive). Afterwards she peeked in my room and saw that I had not yet purchased a bed and was just sleeping on a foam mattress on the ground, to which she scoffed and made some remark about my room being messy. She then went to the bathroom and said we needed to clean our bathroom because it was quite messy. (We had just cleaned it earlier that day in anticipation of this activity at our apt).
I remember thinking, this girl is pretty ballsy and confident to say these things to guys she hardly knows. The interesting thing was that it didn’t come across as annoying to me. I was actually intrigued by her.
That night we were looking at facebook and my roommate found her profile and started reading her posts and comments. We both thought she was quite witty and I remember looking through some of her pictures. I also remember seeing that she was 28, which really surprised me, as I had pegged her as 25 at the oldest. For some odd reason, the fact that she was older made me even more motivated to get to know her.
We saw each other at other functions, but only had words in passing until a few weeks later when we were at another activity at a nursing home. We were there to sing to the patients, but someone forgot to tell them we were coming, so they just put us in the gathering room and had us bust out in Christmas carols. It was awkward and we sounded terrible, but there was only 1 person listening, so I didn’t think too much about it. However, I did notice that Robin, in the middle of one of our songs just walked out. After we had finished our mini-concert, I asked her why she left and she simply said, “I just felt too awkward and couldn’t be there anymore”. I thought it was hilarious that she just left.
Later that night, a few of the people that went to the activity, went out to eat. This night was the first time that I actually learned a lot about Robin, and everything I learned, I liked.
I remember thinking that I really liked the way Robin answered questions and also how she formulated her questions. She was creative, smart, funny, sarcastic, and self-deprecating-all in a good way.
That night I remember thinking that there was something about this girl that made me want to know her better.
From there we proceed to the episode known as the scarf, which Robin documented well in her post. Just to reca: We were all shopping at Old Navy for a Sub for Santa family and she wore this scarf the whole time we were in the store, before putting it back right before we checked out (I didn’t know then, but this is a very common practice for Robin,). My roommate Derek, who by now knew that I could be sweet on this girl, was trying to find opportunities to get us together, so as we left Old Navy he suggested that I ride with Robin back to the house. I readily agreed and we had our first one on one alone time in the brief 10 minute trip. I felt completely at ease and comfortable in her presence.
I was leaving the next day for Christmas in Utah and New Years in Washington, DC. So I felt I had to make some sort of move to at least let her know that I was interested in her before being gone for 3 week. The following day, in the pouring rain, I drove back all the way across town to buy her the scarf. In the note accompanying the scarf, I lied and said I was going back to the store anyway and thought I would buy her the scarf.
I sent her the scarf and left on my travels. I remember receiving her email thanking me for the scarf and reading it a few times, thinking that she was articulate and very talented at expressing her emotions and thoughts.
I was in DC with friends for a week for New Years and thought often about Robin while there, even though I never mentioned anything to anyone about her, since I didn’t want to create this illusion in my head that wasn’t grounded in reality. To be honest, I still didn’t know much about this girl and didn’t even know if she was interested in me, but I was excited to get back to OC and find out. Side note, DC was a blast, but so, so cold, which was another reason to be excited to be back in CA.
After getting back to CA in early January, I made good on my word of “hoping to get to know (Robin) better in the New Year” by asking her out for a date on January 10, which happened to be my dad’s birthday. My brother and his family were in town that day and asked if we had any plans for the weekend, to which Derek replied “Yeah, Cody is going on a date”. Which instantly got my family’s attention, seeing as most of my family was very concerned that I was approaching 30 and still single and childless.
My plane is getting ready to land and my computer is out of power, so that is where we will leave it for now.
Robin, Cody, and Alivia: Livin' and Lovin' Life One Day at a Time
Friday, May 20, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Whirlwind
Life has been quite busy as of late. We've recently moved from our home in Arkansas - back to California. We had to get employees hired and trained for the yogurt shop, all while packing up our belongings and enjoying family visiting from out of town for our nieces' wedding. I also had my first ever baby shower thrown into that mix. It was a stressful and fun time.
Before I catch you all up on the journey home and life looking for a condo to buy while we live with my parents...plus my belly shots and Easter...I wanted to post some pictures of those crazy last weeks in Arkansas.
Here are some shots of my baby shower. I am so spoiled to have great family and friends with such great talents. Look at the diaper cake and wreath. Look at the food. It was good times!
Here are some pictures of my niece's Jordan's wedding. The wedding was beautiful...and Jordan (my niece who doesn't wear make-up and dresses and isn't all frilly and girly in that way) looked STUNNING as a bride. The family was in town for the wedding, and Jana and Jackie (my sisters-in-law) worked themselves to the bone baking and cooking the food. And it was super yummy! In the end, I think 1,600 cookies were made. Kara, my other sister-in-law and mother of the bride, did a great job renting decor and made the church look elegant and wedding worthy.
Here are the photographers, Chelsea and Tiffany.
Chelsea (my niece) has a talent for editing pictures. Just look at some of the ones she took of Jordan, Neil, and the wedding party. By the way, Tiffany and I did the wedding flowers, including the brides bouquet and the boutonnieres. For people who have never done anything like that before, we were quite impressed with ourselves!
Before I catch you all up on the journey home and life looking for a condo to buy while we live with my parents...plus my belly shots and Easter...I wanted to post some pictures of those crazy last weeks in Arkansas.
Here are some shots of my baby shower. I am so spoiled to have great family and friends with such great talents. Look at the diaper cake and wreath. Look at the food. It was good times!
Here are some pictures of my niece's Jordan's wedding. The wedding was beautiful...and Jordan (my niece who doesn't wear make-up and dresses and isn't all frilly and girly in that way) looked STUNNING as a bride. The family was in town for the wedding, and Jana and Jackie (my sisters-in-law) worked themselves to the bone baking and cooking the food. And it was super yummy! In the end, I think 1,600 cookies were made. Kara, my other sister-in-law and mother of the bride, did a great job renting decor and made the church look elegant and wedding worthy.
Here are the photographers, Chelsea and Tiffany.
Chelsea (my niece) has a talent for editing pictures. Just look at some of the ones she took of Jordan, Neil, and the wedding party. By the way, Tiffany and I did the wedding flowers, including the brides bouquet and the boutonnieres. For people who have never done anything like that before, we were quite impressed with ourselves!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Hot Topic: Gender
Thanks to modern technology, I have the choice of finding out the sex of my baby before it's born or when it's born. And when asked, people are so opinionated on what route is best. And when I say people are so opinionated, I really mean that people are so, so, so, SO opinionated.
Some people really hold true to the age old tradition of waiting until the baby is born to know the gender. And I'm all for that decision. First and foremost, because it is theirs to make. And because it is fun to announce after delivery (I assume from what the movies have illustrated)..."It's a girl (or It's a boy)."
But it's true that you announce the gender whether it's before the birth or after...and people are still excited to know either way.
Some people argue that not finding out the gender is really "the only surprise left in life." And yet, in the last book I read, this is what the author has to say about that arguement,
"...although I have no real opinion on what seems to be a highly charged, value-laden decision, how do so many couples figure that not availing oneself of ultrasound technology qualifies as a surprise? Furthermore, what other surprises have gone by the wayside over the last few decades? People don't throw surprise parties anymore? No more unexpected flower deliveries or gifts? I don't get it."
Plus, my friend Ali likes to joke, "What do people think it's going to be? A monkey? Now that would be a surprise. But a boy or a girl hardly is surprising. It really only goes one of two ways."
So, as you can see, the best argument for not finding out the gender of your child until birth is that you, as the parents, want it to happen that way. And you don't need an explanation for your decision, because its nobody elses but your own to make. And whatever reason helped you decide to choose this route, doesn't need to be sound. It can make no sense to anyone but you, and that's ok.
Cody and I have decided to find out the gender of our child prior to birth, but we had our doctor seal the gender ultrasound picture in an envelope at our appointment on 2/1/11. It's really cute because the doctor wrote on the outside, "What am I?". And we still haven't opened the envelope.
But people are going NUTS!!! It drives my sister crazy that I have the knowledge always available to me in my apartment, and I still haven't opened the envelope. People at church, some of whom I'm sure don't really feel invested in our baby, are dying to know. My aunt want to know so she can start buying me stuff. Customers at our store have even gotten wide eyed when they hear about our "will-power."
But it's not "will-power" or "stubbornness" or even a need to be "unique" that has us waiting. And when people ask why I'm not opening the envelope, I give a variety of answers:
"Are you kidding me? I'm a shopper. We'd be broke by the time the baby arrived if I already knew the gender. We're saving money by not finding out just yet."
That's a response some people like. But it's not really true.
"The pregnancy has seemed like eternities already. If we had found out the gender over a month ago, I'd have the names and nursery and everything in place already, and then the second half of this pregnancy would seem even longer than the first."
This response is semi-true.
"We didn't want to find out our baby's gender in a doctor's office room with goop all over my belly. Finding out the gender at a nice dinner, or in the comfort of our home after a wonderful day, seems so much more intimate and special."
This response seems sound, but isn't. Why? Because I'm going to give birth in a hospital, not in the intimate setting of my home or while doing something nice like a special dinner out on the town. And meeting your first born for the first time is much more special than just finding out their gender. So if I'm going the sterile, doctor birth plan, why not go for the sterile, doctor gender discovery scenario? See? This response doesn't hold much water.
And many other responses have been given that just don't seem to capture why we're not opening the envelope. "We're just not ready yet" is the most honest response. But people really don't like that one.
I've had people suggest that we should just let them have the envelope and then, when we want to know the information contained therein, they would be happy to share the news. This suggestion is most entertaining and has been offered by numerous people believe it or not...but clearly, that isn't going to happen.
And the excitment and curiousity surrounding the unknown is very fun for us, but it hasn't made us ready still. Boy or Girl? We don't know. But we are excited to find out when we feel good and right about the timing and ready. Truth is, I'll be excited for either outcome, because babies are all precious and cuddly and yummy, whether they have male parts or female parts. I used to think that girl babies were the best way...because the clothing is darling and girls are so precious. But then I had nephews. And I threw my prefrences for my future family out the window. Because having a baby boy as precious as them will melt my heart.
Until that envelope is opened, and without a doubt, it will be opened before this baby makes his/her debut, we're enjoying the unknown and the "what-ifs." The time will come when I'll get a nesting itch, and feel as though I need to know the contents of that envelope. I'll want to be semi prepared for what is to come in late June. But until I get that itch, Cody and I continue to appreciate and bond with this active, growing baby - boy or girl.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Where we started...The End of the Beginning
To every good thing there must be an end, and we have come to the end of "Where we started."
Please do enjoy the conclusion. It is lengthy, to keep with the pattern I've started.
Cody and I had a great time in the next week following our first kiss. It consisted of going to FHE, kissing, going on a walk, then kissing some more, but come the weekend, I was going to Palm Springs for a girl's weekend and was feeling funny about Cody and the timing of everything…especially the kissing. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start with FHE.
I was late arriving to FHE (and yes there is a pattern of tardiness to FHE in these installments...) and when I entered, I quietly sat on the floor of the First Counselor's living room, a couple of people behind Cody. I located Cody when I first entered, and took every effort NOT to look at him during the lesson. I used my peripheral vision and noticed him notice me (internal smiles), but made sure not to make eye contact. I don't know why eye contact would have been so bad, I mean, I'd already kissed him and everything, but at any rate, I avoided it until after the lesson had finished.
The lesson did finish and Cody and I made eye contact. We started to make our way toward each other, but before we could connect, I got bombarded by some ward members for a conversation. Cody, seeing me busy, went to get some dessert in the kitchen and have conversations of his own. It took a while for us to connect, and when we did, we were your typical, trying-hard-not-to-be-awkward, we've-kissed-and-don't-know-what-to-do-now boy and girl. After some discussion about our day and other casual topics, seeing how late it was and not wanting to invite myself over to Cody's, I said that I was planning on leaving. Cody decided it was time to go too and rounded up his boy posse (because they had come together). Once we got outside, I was saying my good-byes when Cody asked if I wanted to go to dinner with them at Taco Rosa.
My memory is foggy, but I know I turned him down for dinner because I was tired, not hungry, and confused about whether I'd have to pay for my unnecessary meal considering it was a group type dinner (total cheap butt, right?). I also wanted to spend more time with Cody that night so I was torn in my decision. But, I called it a night and Cody said he'd call me after his dinner out.
Cody called and made plans to come over the following night, and when Cody arrived at my house, we decided to go on a walk. I remember being glad Cody was hanging on my turf...because I was feeling like he needed to spend more time at my place. I also remember getting a tad concerned that Cody hadn't made plans to go out with me again, because we had only gone on two official dates and now that we'd kissed, I feared we were headed toward a relationship of hanging-out then making-out. And I wasn't ok with that. I felt that we shouldn't be quite to that point yet. I still needed to be wined and dined. And on this night, we had no plans.
So after Cody arrived, I suggested a walk, but Cody didn't really feel like going on a walk, but with no other activity besides TV being readily available, it was the only "activity" I could think of...besides kissing of course. And I knew we'd be doing that later, so I insisted.
The walk was beautiful. The homes around my apartment were all lit up and we played the game of, "which house on this side would you buy." We talked about everything under the stars, and enjoyed the nice, night weather. Cody enjoyed the walk, once we were on it. And the walk ended up being at least an hour or two. I felt like I had been socially, mentally, physically, and emotionally stimulated by the walk. And a mature woman (I'm referencing myself in case you didn't know) needs to have a mature, stimulating relationship, not just giggles and TV watching and kissing.
Once we had arrived back at my apartment, Cody snooped around, while I enjoyed showing him the details he had missed with the brief date pick-ups from nights past. He helped himself to my generous candy stash, and we chatted some more. And after getting settled on the couch, Cody kissed me. And quickly thereafter, he admitted to pining for my "irresistible lips last night at FHE." And it was the perfect cue for more kissing. Because with a compliment such as that, I had to let him enjoy those lips he had pined over ;)
The rest of the evening turned into a quest for more compliments, because I'm a greedy and needy lady and after receiving the compliment on my lips, I wanted more. For those of you privy to my dating history, you know very well my obsession and need for verbal accolades. I love, love, love compliments. And I argue that it is a relationship need of mine. Months into our relationship, I complained to Cody that he didn't verbally show me how much he cared for me, which was a real concern of mine. For a man who was always taught, "actions speak louder than words," he thought that showing me he cared for me was better than telling me. But actions are not better than words in my book, they are just a different mode by which to express affection. And although I love thoughtful gestures and kind acts, and demand them from those I'm dating, I never devalue words in relation to them. Simply put, words and actions together speak at the perfect volume, not one louder than the other, and both should be present in a healthy relationship.
So, being greedy and needy, I asked Cody what facial and body feature of mine he found most attractive - excluding my lips of course (don't barf...we've all asked some variation of this question or wanted to at one point or another). After thinking for a minute, Cody responded. I would have guessed every feature before what Cody said - my ears. That's what Cody chose. Now before we continue, I want you to wait a minute. Process his response. Take it in as though you received that response yourself - ears.
Crazy, right?!
I remember responding, "Woo, woo, what?! I so didn't see that one coming. Ears are the oddest body part to find attractive." And I felt like it was a safe response, like one you could give an extremely homely, unfortunate, AND obese friend. Because even if you do find ears attractive in general(?!?), they certainly shouldn't make the top of any list, especially before the "B's" (you know: Butt, Belly, Boobs, Baby Blues (eyes) Back of the neck, Brown hair, etc.)! I continued my response, "Who finds ears attractive, anyway? I don't accept that answer. Give me a real answer. So, what after my ears and lips?"
And so on and so on it went. Poor Cody, I know. I pity the fools who have had to compliment me over and over and over, only to have to do it again and again. I'm sure it's exhausting. But although I offer them pity, I make no apologies. It's just the price a guy has to pay for dating me. And if that's too much, I gladly show them the door. Well, maybe not gladly, but I do show them the door (or they voluntarily exit through the door without my encouragement, but we'll pretend that that has never happened). And in my defense, my quest for compliments isn't always so elementary or physical in nature, as it was in my question this night. Let's just put that factoid down on the record.
After compliments, Tuesday night came to a nice close and I didn't see Cody again until Thursday night. We made a point to get together and see each other before I left for the weekend to Palm Springs. I went over to Cody's and we just watched some Thursday NBC TV (The Office, 30 Rock, etc.), kissed, and said good-bye for a long weekend, with no plans for the upcoming week.
My weekend away with the girls was awesome. Our hotel in Palm Springs was retro chic, and we had a double story suite. I had an amazing time doing girl stuff with my homies, who of course asked about Cody and me. I was frank, but probably embellished my stories of the dates, first kisses, and texts for entertainment value. Every girl liked the idea of Cody dating me and vice versa. But most of the weekend wasn't spent talking about, or even thinking about, Cody. We had games, pool side magazines, gossiping, and shopping to keep us busy. I also remember having a 3 hour conversation with M.E. Clayton about everything psychology and sociology. It was fabulous.
While in Palm Springs, Cody did call me twice, and text me once, but I didn't get the messages until the last night and I figured I'd call him when I got back into town. Most of you know I'm not a slave to my phone, and I usually do take time to return a call, but it was odd that I wasn't more eager to check my phone hoping or wishing Cody would communicate. And by the time we were headed back to the OC, I was in an introspective funk, growing worried about how much I really like this kid that kissed me much earlier than normal and comparing Cody to past boyfriends/relationships.
The timing of the kissing was uncomfortable and new to me, since I'm normally in a relationship with a guy before we kiss and know what that relationship entails. My apprehension about what a relationship with Cody would look like was getting the best of me, especially since I only had a week of casual hang-outs on which to base my assumptions.
So I tried to hold onto what I knew, namely that the kissing was great, that our relationship started with formal dates (albeit double), and we really could talk about anything and everything. But while my mind was trying to see the positives, it would counter that our first week "together," which consisted of zero planned dates with zero planned for the upcoming week, consisted of middle school type "hang-outs:" going over to your boyfriend's, watching TV, chillin' with his friends, and kissing. That's exactly what we did last Thursday, and it seemed so juvenile. And I wondered, were Cody and I ever going to go on a date just the two of us? A date where Cody asked me. A date that wasn't an FHE activity after thought with two roommates in tow?
And looking back, the problem wasn't the roommates. I loved those boys. Jeff even had a nickname for me (Jessica), and Derek is pretty impossible not to adore, but again, because they were often around, it made whatever Cody and I have look too "friends with benefits"-ish. My mind was going CRAZY with what Cody and I were and would be. And the only thing to stop my mind from making conclusions based on ONE WEEK of kissing and what-ifs, was calling Cody back.
So upon arriving back home, I called Cody. He answered the phone, but was really distracted. I could hear voices in the background, even female voices I suspected, and I instantly felt super foolish for calling. He was about to go out to dinner with the voices in the background he said, but before he did, he wanted to talk and ask me about my weekend. I started to talk about Palm Springs, but realized he wasn't really paying attention to me. I eventually just said that I'd let him go because he seemed preoccupied with company. He agreed and said he'd call later. The whole call was a complete disaster. And all I wanted to do was run away...from Cody.
I ended up going to the movies that night, and after the movie was over I had received a voicemail and text from Cody. He apologized for answering my call. He said he was so eager to talk to me that when he saw it was me calling, he answered, excited to hear my voice. But, he admitted that he shouldn't have because everyone was trying to figure out where to go for dinner and wanted his input. The message was sincere, and the explanation sound, but I felt so bothered by the earlier call that I refused to call him back. I wanted him to worry about my feelings being upset. Sounds cruel for me to want him to sweat over a stupid phone call, but it was after midnight and I really didn't want to have another awkward call before bed. I also think I was trying to regain some level of confidence and boundaries with Cody. Plus, I knew I'd see him at church soon enough, and I wanted some time to chill until then.
Sunday came and Cody sat next to me in sacrament meeting. And once I saw Cody again, all my introspective problems about us were out the window. Truth be told, I knew Cody was a gentleman and would never see me as a friend with benefits. He sent me the scarf, remember? And he took me to a Jay Leno Show tapping. And he called last night to explain that he answered his phone, even though he shouldn't have, all because he was eager and anxious to talk to me. Church calmed me down and seeing Cody again calmed me down.
Later that night, I went to dinner at Cody's per his invitation. It was a surprisingly good dinner and I was so impressed by the cooking skills of Cody and his roomies. I later explained to Cody 1/8th of the concerns I had had on the ride home from Palm Springs, namely the timing of the kissing and my apprehension for us, but I quickly went on to other topics and excused any concerns I had had to crazy woman/former MFT student mumbo jumbo. Because all was better now. And although I don't think every concern I had was just mumbo jumbo, I certainly didn't need Cody knowing about the scary Introspective World of Robin yet.
And from this night forth our dating relationship was perfect. Cody is a master wooer and when he said he thought actions speak louder than words, he meant it. Because he was always doing wonderful things for me. He definitely knows how to wine and dine a lady, or a girl like me.
And to demonstrate how off base I was for worrying about Cody and what dating him would look like, two weeks after Palm Springs was Valentine's Day. Cody surprised me at work by having 18 long stem roses delivered. An amazing note on the flowers read, "this past month of dating you has been the best month of my life," along with other nice words. And when I called him to thank him for the flowers, he told me of his plans to take me to LA on Valentine's day to see Phantom of the Opera at the Pantageous Theater and then to an Indian restaurant which got great reviews. And to think that just a short time earlier I was worried about Cody becoming casual and not planning dates.
January 24th was our first kiss and October 24th we married. We had our first date on Cody's Dad's birthday and got married on his Mom's birthday. 2009 was a GREAT, great year and a dream in the life of Cody and Robin Orvin. And 2010 produced continued bliss. 2011 will bring baby Orvin #1, a cute little mouse, and the future is nothing but cherries on top!
Please do enjoy the conclusion. It is lengthy, to keep with the pattern I've started.
Cody and I had a great time in the next week following our first kiss. It consisted of going to FHE, kissing, going on a walk, then kissing some more, but come the weekend, I was going to Palm Springs for a girl's weekend and was feeling funny about Cody and the timing of everything…especially the kissing. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start with FHE.
I was late arriving to FHE (and yes there is a pattern of tardiness to FHE in these installments...) and when I entered, I quietly sat on the floor of the First Counselor's living room, a couple of people behind Cody. I located Cody when I first entered, and took every effort NOT to look at him during the lesson. I used my peripheral vision and noticed him notice me (internal smiles), but made sure not to make eye contact. I don't know why eye contact would have been so bad, I mean, I'd already kissed him and everything, but at any rate, I avoided it until after the lesson had finished.
The lesson did finish and Cody and I made eye contact. We started to make our way toward each other, but before we could connect, I got bombarded by some ward members for a conversation. Cody, seeing me busy, went to get some dessert in the kitchen and have conversations of his own. It took a while for us to connect, and when we did, we were your typical, trying-hard-not-to-be-awkward, we've-kissed-and-don't-know-what-to-do-now boy and girl. After some discussion about our day and other casual topics, seeing how late it was and not wanting to invite myself over to Cody's, I said that I was planning on leaving. Cody decided it was time to go too and rounded up his boy posse (because they had come together). Once we got outside, I was saying my good-byes when Cody asked if I wanted to go to dinner with them at Taco Rosa.
My memory is foggy, but I know I turned him down for dinner because I was tired, not hungry, and confused about whether I'd have to pay for my unnecessary meal considering it was a group type dinner (total cheap butt, right?). I also wanted to spend more time with Cody that night so I was torn in my decision. But, I called it a night and Cody said he'd call me after his dinner out.
Cody called and made plans to come over the following night, and when Cody arrived at my house, we decided to go on a walk. I remember being glad Cody was hanging on my turf...because I was feeling like he needed to spend more time at my place. I also remember getting a tad concerned that Cody hadn't made plans to go out with me again, because we had only gone on two official dates and now that we'd kissed, I feared we were headed toward a relationship of hanging-out then making-out. And I wasn't ok with that. I felt that we shouldn't be quite to that point yet. I still needed to be wined and dined. And on this night, we had no plans.
So after Cody arrived, I suggested a walk, but Cody didn't really feel like going on a walk, but with no other activity besides TV being readily available, it was the only "activity" I could think of...besides kissing of course. And I knew we'd be doing that later, so I insisted.
The walk was beautiful. The homes around my apartment were all lit up and we played the game of, "which house on this side would you buy." We talked about everything under the stars, and enjoyed the nice, night weather. Cody enjoyed the walk, once we were on it. And the walk ended up being at least an hour or two. I felt like I had been socially, mentally, physically, and emotionally stimulated by the walk. And a mature woman (I'm referencing myself in case you didn't know) needs to have a mature, stimulating relationship, not just giggles and TV watching and kissing.
Once we had arrived back at my apartment, Cody snooped around, while I enjoyed showing him the details he had missed with the brief date pick-ups from nights past. He helped himself to my generous candy stash, and we chatted some more. And after getting settled on the couch, Cody kissed me. And quickly thereafter, he admitted to pining for my "irresistible lips last night at FHE." And it was the perfect cue for more kissing. Because with a compliment such as that, I had to let him enjoy those lips he had pined over ;)
The rest of the evening turned into a quest for more compliments, because I'm a greedy and needy lady and after receiving the compliment on my lips, I wanted more. For those of you privy to my dating history, you know very well my obsession and need for verbal accolades. I love, love, love compliments. And I argue that it is a relationship need of mine. Months into our relationship, I complained to Cody that he didn't verbally show me how much he cared for me, which was a real concern of mine. For a man who was always taught, "actions speak louder than words," he thought that showing me he cared for me was better than telling me. But actions are not better than words in my book, they are just a different mode by which to express affection. And although I love thoughtful gestures and kind acts, and demand them from those I'm dating, I never devalue words in relation to them. Simply put, words and actions together speak at the perfect volume, not one louder than the other, and both should be present in a healthy relationship.
So, being greedy and needy, I asked Cody what facial and body feature of mine he found most attractive - excluding my lips of course (don't barf...we've all asked some variation of this question or wanted to at one point or another). After thinking for a minute, Cody responded. I would have guessed every feature before what Cody said - my ears. That's what Cody chose. Now before we continue, I want you to wait a minute. Process his response. Take it in as though you received that response yourself - ears.
Crazy, right?!
I remember responding, "Woo, woo, what?! I so didn't see that one coming. Ears are the oddest body part to find attractive." And I felt like it was a safe response, like one you could give an extremely homely, unfortunate, AND obese friend. Because even if you do find ears attractive in general(?!?), they certainly shouldn't make the top of any list, especially before the "B's" (you know: Butt, Belly, Boobs, Baby Blues (eyes) Back of the neck, Brown hair, etc.)! I continued my response, "Who finds ears attractive, anyway? I don't accept that answer. Give me a real answer. So, what after my ears and lips?"
And so on and so on it went. Poor Cody, I know. I pity the fools who have had to compliment me over and over and over, only to have to do it again and again. I'm sure it's exhausting. But although I offer them pity, I make no apologies. It's just the price a guy has to pay for dating me. And if that's too much, I gladly show them the door. Well, maybe not gladly, but I do show them the door (or they voluntarily exit through the door without my encouragement, but we'll pretend that that has never happened). And in my defense, my quest for compliments isn't always so elementary or physical in nature, as it was in my question this night. Let's just put that factoid down on the record.
After compliments, Tuesday night came to a nice close and I didn't see Cody again until Thursday night. We made a point to get together and see each other before I left for the weekend to Palm Springs. I went over to Cody's and we just watched some Thursday NBC TV (The Office, 30 Rock, etc.), kissed, and said good-bye for a long weekend, with no plans for the upcoming week.
My weekend away with the girls was awesome. Our hotel in Palm Springs was retro chic, and we had a double story suite. I had an amazing time doing girl stuff with my homies, who of course asked about Cody and me. I was frank, but probably embellished my stories of the dates, first kisses, and texts for entertainment value. Every girl liked the idea of Cody dating me and vice versa. But most of the weekend wasn't spent talking about, or even thinking about, Cody. We had games, pool side magazines, gossiping, and shopping to keep us busy. I also remember having a 3 hour conversation with M.E. Clayton about everything psychology and sociology. It was fabulous.
While in Palm Springs, Cody did call me twice, and text me once, but I didn't get the messages until the last night and I figured I'd call him when I got back into town. Most of you know I'm not a slave to my phone, and I usually do take time to return a call, but it was odd that I wasn't more eager to check my phone hoping or wishing Cody would communicate. And by the time we were headed back to the OC, I was in an introspective funk, growing worried about how much I really like this kid that kissed me much earlier than normal and comparing Cody to past boyfriends/relationships.
The timing of the kissing was uncomfortable and new to me, since I'm normally in a relationship with a guy before we kiss and know what that relationship entails. My apprehension about what a relationship with Cody would look like was getting the best of me, especially since I only had a week of casual hang-outs on which to base my assumptions.
So I tried to hold onto what I knew, namely that the kissing was great, that our relationship started with formal dates (albeit double), and we really could talk about anything and everything. But while my mind was trying to see the positives, it would counter that our first week "together," which consisted of zero planned dates with zero planned for the upcoming week, consisted of middle school type "hang-outs:" going over to your boyfriend's, watching TV, chillin' with his friends, and kissing. That's exactly what we did last Thursday, and it seemed so juvenile. And I wondered, were Cody and I ever going to go on a date just the two of us? A date where Cody asked me. A date that wasn't an FHE activity after thought with two roommates in tow?
And looking back, the problem wasn't the roommates. I loved those boys. Jeff even had a nickname for me (Jessica), and Derek is pretty impossible not to adore, but again, because they were often around, it made whatever Cody and I have look too "friends with benefits"-ish. My mind was going CRAZY with what Cody and I were and would be. And the only thing to stop my mind from making conclusions based on ONE WEEK of kissing and what-ifs, was calling Cody back.
So upon arriving back home, I called Cody. He answered the phone, but was really distracted. I could hear voices in the background, even female voices I suspected, and I instantly felt super foolish for calling. He was about to go out to dinner with the voices in the background he said, but before he did, he wanted to talk and ask me about my weekend. I started to talk about Palm Springs, but realized he wasn't really paying attention to me. I eventually just said that I'd let him go because he seemed preoccupied with company. He agreed and said he'd call later. The whole call was a complete disaster. And all I wanted to do was run away...from Cody.
I ended up going to the movies that night, and after the movie was over I had received a voicemail and text from Cody. He apologized for answering my call. He said he was so eager to talk to me that when he saw it was me calling, he answered, excited to hear my voice. But, he admitted that he shouldn't have because everyone was trying to figure out where to go for dinner and wanted his input. The message was sincere, and the explanation sound, but I felt so bothered by the earlier call that I refused to call him back. I wanted him to worry about my feelings being upset. Sounds cruel for me to want him to sweat over a stupid phone call, but it was after midnight and I really didn't want to have another awkward call before bed. I also think I was trying to regain some level of confidence and boundaries with Cody. Plus, I knew I'd see him at church soon enough, and I wanted some time to chill until then.
Sunday came and Cody sat next to me in sacrament meeting. And once I saw Cody again, all my introspective problems about us were out the window. Truth be told, I knew Cody was a gentleman and would never see me as a friend with benefits. He sent me the scarf, remember? And he took me to a Jay Leno Show tapping. And he called last night to explain that he answered his phone, even though he shouldn't have, all because he was eager and anxious to talk to me. Church calmed me down and seeing Cody again calmed me down.
Later that night, I went to dinner at Cody's per his invitation. It was a surprisingly good dinner and I was so impressed by the cooking skills of Cody and his roomies. I later explained to Cody 1/8th of the concerns I had had on the ride home from Palm Springs, namely the timing of the kissing and my apprehension for us, but I quickly went on to other topics and excused any concerns I had had to crazy woman/former MFT student mumbo jumbo. Because all was better now. And although I don't think every concern I had was just mumbo jumbo, I certainly didn't need Cody knowing about the scary Introspective World of Robin yet.
And from this night forth our dating relationship was perfect. Cody is a master wooer and when he said he thought actions speak louder than words, he meant it. Because he was always doing wonderful things for me. He definitely knows how to wine and dine a lady, or a girl like me.
And to demonstrate how off base I was for worrying about Cody and what dating him would look like, two weeks after Palm Springs was Valentine's Day. Cody surprised me at work by having 18 long stem roses delivered. An amazing note on the flowers read, "this past month of dating you has been the best month of my life," along with other nice words. And when I called him to thank him for the flowers, he told me of his plans to take me to LA on Valentine's day to see Phantom of the Opera at the Pantageous Theater and then to an Indian restaurant which got great reviews. And to think that just a short time earlier I was worried about Cody becoming casual and not planning dates.
January 24th was our first kiss and October 24th we married. We had our first date on Cody's Dad's birthday and got married on his Mom's birthday. 2009 was a GREAT, great year and a dream in the life of Cody and Robin Orvin. And 2010 produced continued bliss. 2011 will bring baby Orvin #1, a cute little mouse, and the future is nothing but cherries on top!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Bad Things get Worse...
example: good legs
As a single woman, I always knew that any man who married me wouldn't be a "legs" man. And it was a question I asked Cody when we were dating...just in case he was such a man and hadn't notice how bad my legs really were. He responded that he was an entire package type of guy, and although I knew great legs ran in Cody's family (his mom even has better legs than I do and she's had 7 pregnancies), he was perfectly content marrying a woman who had less attractive legs. And in my case, less attractive includes (but is not limited to): white, veiny, large, cankle ankles, with little-to-no knee definition.
Now, in all honesty, my legs haven't bothered me that much. I know that most people when speaking poorly about a body part are either looking for response comments which totally discredit their deprecating complaints (thereby momentarily increasing their esteem) or they are saying such a comment because they simply can't contain their all consuming hatred for that body part. But not me. I simply acknowledge that my legs are less attractive than most out there, but I certainly don't HATE them. And why should I wallow or have bad self-esteem about the attractiveness of my legs anyway? After all, my legs work, which is reason enough not to HATE them...and I do have an impressive shin muscle (ask any time and I'll show you the big leg guns). Plus, ugly legs have kept this girl modest. Wearing mini anythings, skirts, shorts, or otherwise wouldn't have been pretty, and certainly wouldn't have produced any desirable outcome.
So, I've embraced my unattractive legs as a fact and a very minor component in my overall presentation. My legs are not a reflection of my attractiveness, and there is a long list of personality traits and weaknesses that occupy my "worry time" before my silly 'ol legs.
Well, enter pregnancy #1 - the mouse. I don't know if it was hormones gone crazy or what, but I absolutely broke down yesterday when I realized that my legs had indeed gotten uglier. Spider veins are making a strong debut and it looks like varicose veins are emerging. And although I expected such things to occur, I certainly didn't expect to be so upset about it. I even held back tears while at work yesterday and later in the night, as I was researching surgical hose and looking at the suckers.
Now it's not like I'm going from great legs to bad. I'm just going from bad to worse. And although I'm an emotional person, pregnancy hasn't seemed to make me any more emotional than my previously emotional self. So if my legs were ok being bad before the pregnancy, why aren't they ok now?
And after reflecting, I can only say "Who knows!" Because even as I write this stupid post, I'm inclined to feel sorry for my legs. It hits me - like a wave. Because my legs have already had a rough road, and they've been good little - well big - legs, and their future looks grim with many more months to this pregnancy and more pregnancies planned for the future.
Onto other exciting news, I had my first yeast infection ever thanks to typical second trimester hormones (at least that's what I've been told). It wasn't so bad really, and since it was my first ever, I have no room to complain. My symptoms were very mild and there were hours upon hours that I'd forget I even had an infection, so I've been quite lucky.
To top of my record, I've really only ever had one bladder infection. And with that infection, my one and only symptom was that I had to pee more, and I woke up in the middle of night to pee. There was no discomfort, just inconvenience.
I guess we can't have it all, and if I've only had one bladder and yeast infection in my life with extremely mild symptoms, then I certainly am due to have some other problems...namely of the ugly leg variety.
And before I sign off, can I just request a moment of silence for my formally semi-unattractive legs and another moment of acceptance for my new, full blown nasty legs.
And now I'm going to try to put this leg silliness to rest. Because at the end of the day, Cody always reminds me of how lucky we are to be with child...and how at the end of the day, we'll have a cute little bundle of joy - worth any sacrifice. And he's right about that. And he's a love who deserves some big pats on the back, because when I was telling him about my leg situation, he was upset with me for making disparaging remarks about the mother of his future child. He's very protective of me, even when I'm the insulter.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Where we started...Part III
Here is the installment leading up to our first kiss. This is the second to last installment...although I'm tempted to keep going because Cody was so amazing during our entire dating period. He was the most thoughtful and sweet boyfriend and I'd love to share every email and detail of every date, but Cody said that would be too much. He's hinted at the fact that I've already overdone this project. And he argues that some dating details and emails should be considered private. He wants some memories to just be ours. What a selfish downer, right? His restrictions are so confining. But he's probably right and I know it. And it pisses me off when he's right.
So get on your slippers and get out your reading glasses and get ready for some k-i-s-s-i-n-g.
It was over a week until our Jay Leno taping date. We had church and FHE, texts and subtle flirting, but no real time together. Friday eventually came and I was so excited for the date. I remember thinking about how fun Jay Leno was going to be. The whole day at work I was only thinking about the date. Well, not really the whole day. I worked only a half a day because Cody was coming to pick me up so we could be in LA in time for the taping.
After leaving work, I rushed around trying to get ready, eat some lunch, and get the house all clean before Cody came. I felt like I was ahead of schedule and that I might even have some down time for the make-up and perfume to settle, and the body to relax before Cody came, but Cody called when he was about 5 minutes out warning me that he was going to be arriving ahead of schedule. With a good amount of sass, I scolded him for arriving early, because no man should be early picking up a woman for a date. It's just a rule of dating. A man can't be late either, so it's a tight rope to walk. I guess I'll counsel my sons to arrive early and wait in the car (down the street) until the given time arrives and then drive the 100 yards to the girl's house and walk to her door to pick her up. But Cody was coming early because he didn't want to hit too much traffic, was getting nervous about it being Friday and all, and he knew I was home. At least he called, because I was able to kick it into high gear and pretend like 5 minutes is all I need to get ready.
Derek’s date ended up canceling on him, so he took Jeff. So it was the three male roommates and me for the entire afternoon and night. It ended up being great with the guys and I didn't feel out of place thanks to Cody. After arriving at the Jay Leno Show taping with a little time to spare, Cody relaxed and I felt him being a tad touchy and flirtatious. Cody and I had a great time laughing and whispering during the show, which had Marissa Tomei as the main guest. She was there to discuss her nomination for an Oscar for The Westler. She looked phenominal. A comedian was also on the show, and he was seriously hi-lar-ious. I still remember some of his jokes. The last guest was an animal guy, and he had some wierd animals that I couldn't even begin to remember, even if I tried. So the show had a good variety, and certainly didn't disappoint.
After the taping, we drove to Santa Monica and went to this posh restaurant in LA called Rock Sugar…which was De-lic-ious!!!! Conversation was smooth and I was loving my date with Cody...and Derek and Jeff. The only thing that was a little difficult was that we all shared food at dinner and I had the problem of wanting more food, much more food, but feeling like I should eat very little because I was the woman. I normally pig out on dates, but I think it was the sharing aspect that had me in a funk.
Aside from completely enjoying the food but feeling like I wasn't supposed to indulge, it was a perfect Friday. On the drive home, we all described everyone in the car with one word. I remember calling Derek "child-like." Derek's instinct was to be insulted, but I explained that he thinks the best of people, even when they take advantage of him, etc. I have no memory of describing Jeff, but I remember very well calling Cody “confusing.” He wanted to know why, but I stayed vague. Truth is, he was confusing because of the silly question on date #1 and the two weeks between date #1 and #2, and the need for “double dates.” Cody described me as “whole.” I had no clue what this meant. He kept saying, just look up synonyms for whole and you will get a good idea of what I mean. Later that night at Cody’s, we did look up “whole” and one word that jumped out at me was the synonym “perfect.” I asked him if he wanted to change his word after reading what the thesaurus had to say and he simply said, “no.” I LOVED his one word description, obviously.
Also, on the car ride back from LA, everyone in the car described their types. The conversation really began because I was trying to see what kind of girl Derek was looking for, since he wasn’t really pursuing any girl in the ward. But, I was more alert and interested when Cody was describing his type. And it turns out, Cody’s ideal girl didn’t sound anything like me: patient, low-maintenance, spontaneous, (tan) and other attributes. I told Cody how high-maintenance, non-spontaneous, and impatient I am, but I didn’t feel like he was seeing the dilemma. I figured Cody should date someone like Wendy in the ward, a girl who would live in South America with him at the drop of a hat. But as we transitioned from the car to the guy's apartment, and especially after looking up “whole” in the thesaurus, I forgot about the ideal Cody wanted, which I wasn’t.
As a side note, I remember telling Cody on the ride back that I could totally picture him on a couch, relaxed, watching TV, all while drinking beer from a glass bottle (definately not a canned beer for some reason). I laugh when I think of that random comment, because there was no need to tell Cody this, and BECAUSE CODY IS SO NOT LIKE THAT, never was, never will be. And if he ever did drink beer, it would be a cheap, canned beer, not a fancy glass bottled one.
That night, after the date, I was supposed to head up to Joshua Tree National Forest to go camping with the ward, who had left earlier that afternoon for the campsite. But I lingered at Cody’s and he convinced me to stay in town because I was getting such a late start on the drive, because it was a 2 hour drive each way for such a quick turn around the next afternoon, and of course, because I was tired. I liked the protective hints and the “stay here longer” suggestion. After watching some tv with the roommates and snooping around Cody’s room, Cody drove me home.
The next evening, I went to dinner and saw a movie with a bunch of friends. It was nice telling all the girls about my date. During the movie, I received a text from Cody, inviting me to come over to his place to watch a movie. I waited until after the movie had finished, and then I called Cody to discuss the invitation. He said his movie had barely started and to make my way over to his place. I was hesitant, because I was already late, I had just seen a movie, there were some people over watching the movie that I didn’t know, and because I had just stayed late the night before. But I did want to go and spend time with my new guy friends, and especially Cody, so with very little persuasion, I headed over to Turtle Crest Apartments once again.
I walked up to the apartment only to enter a dark living room with bodies sprawled out on couches. I was kicking myself for taking Cody up on his offer and about to sit on the floor, but Cody said to come sit next to him, he’d make room. I joined him in “the pit,” a tight cuddle corner. The only way we fit in the space was to squeeze close. Cody had to put his arm around me to have our shoulders work in the space. The cuddling was nice, and I knew at that moment that I was attracted to Cody, that I was liking him. If the texts, the 3 hour phone conversation, the dates, flirting, and willingly going to watch half a movie when I'd already seen a great movie on the big screen hadn't let me know, the cuddling and subsequent butterflies did the trick. I had come to the realization that I liked Cody. Everything put together meant that my sister Brooke might actually be right, I might actually "seriously date" this Cody kid.
Now, my butterflies weren't all sugar and spice. I got nervous for what follows cuddling and affection...you know...kissing. I knew I wouldn't kiss Cody that night, but if we were already cuddling, and I knew I liked him, the kissing wasn't afar off. And have I mentioned that I HATE first kisses? Some people like them, actually most people probably like them, but I don't. And anything reminding me of a potential first kiss can make me somewhat nauseous. I just soak up all the nerves and awkwardness, and the experience is ruined. First kisses are too mental to be enjoyable. At least for me they are.
But like I said, I didn't think I needed to worry about kissing. I fell asleep in Cody's arms after the movie ended and the group started watching SNL. I awoke to only Cody and me in the living room. The other guests had left and did say good-bye to me, but I didn't wake up despite their attempts. Tired, and feeling silly for sleeping, I got up and started putting on my coat, all the while talking to Cody about this or that. Literally, out of the blue, right when I was tying the ribbon on my coat, and before I knew what was happening and could avoid it, Cody was in front of my face kissing me. I was caught so off guard. I didn't have much time to gete nauseous, because there was NO build-up, but I was still mentally thinking, "are we really kissing right now, tonight?" It was unlike any first kiss I’d ever had, which made me feel confused. It was a machine gun type of kiss. A series of fast, gentle kisses, one after the other. I was dying, because I hate the first kiss, but I really hate first kissES.
After the series ended, Cody walked me to my car. And at this point, I knew the line had been crossed. There was no turning back on the kissing. See, I normally date men for weeks, and go on numerous dates before kissing them. I wait till they can’t stand it anymore and until they virtually love me before I let them get any lip service. I figured it always gave me the upper hand. But with Cody, he snuck up on me. I didn’t have a chance to refuse the kissing situation. So, at my car I thought, “well, I might as well show him my skills.” No joke. That’s what I thought. I know, I know. But I wasn’t going to have our first kissing episode start and end with rapid fire pecks, gentle or not. So I threw my purse up on the roof of my car, put my back to the driver’s door, and gave him room to go in for more, but this time I kissed him back. And we slowed down. And we stood there, for an hour, kissing in the dark of night.
That night when I got home, I was too wired to go straight to bed. Plus, I had had a good nap. So I surfed the internet. I checked facebook, and Cody’s status showed up on my new's feed. All he said was, Cody “is rethinking his type.” And I remembered our car ride from LA two nights ago, when I told Cody I wasn't his type.
To be concluded...
So get on your slippers and get out your reading glasses and get ready for some k-i-s-s-i-n-g.
It was over a week until our Jay Leno taping date. We had church and FHE, texts and subtle flirting, but no real time together. Friday eventually came and I was so excited for the date. I remember thinking about how fun Jay Leno was going to be. The whole day at work I was only thinking about the date. Well, not really the whole day. I worked only a half a day because Cody was coming to pick me up so we could be in LA in time for the taping.
After leaving work, I rushed around trying to get ready, eat some lunch, and get the house all clean before Cody came. I felt like I was ahead of schedule and that I might even have some down time for the make-up and perfume to settle, and the body to relax before Cody came, but Cody called when he was about 5 minutes out warning me that he was going to be arriving ahead of schedule. With a good amount of sass, I scolded him for arriving early, because no man should be early picking up a woman for a date. It's just a rule of dating. A man can't be late either, so it's a tight rope to walk. I guess I'll counsel my sons to arrive early and wait in the car (down the street) until the given time arrives and then drive the 100 yards to the girl's house and walk to her door to pick her up. But Cody was coming early because he didn't want to hit too much traffic, was getting nervous about it being Friday and all, and he knew I was home. At least he called, because I was able to kick it into high gear and pretend like 5 minutes is all I need to get ready.
Derek’s date ended up canceling on him, so he took Jeff. So it was the three male roommates and me for the entire afternoon and night. It ended up being great with the guys and I didn't feel out of place thanks to Cody. After arriving at the Jay Leno Show taping with a little time to spare, Cody relaxed and I felt him being a tad touchy and flirtatious. Cody and I had a great time laughing and whispering during the show, which had Marissa Tomei as the main guest. She was there to discuss her nomination for an Oscar for The Westler. She looked phenominal. A comedian was also on the show, and he was seriously hi-lar-ious. I still remember some of his jokes. The last guest was an animal guy, and he had some wierd animals that I couldn't even begin to remember, even if I tried. So the show had a good variety, and certainly didn't disappoint.
After the taping, we drove to Santa Monica and went to this posh restaurant in LA called Rock Sugar…which was De-lic-ious!!!! Conversation was smooth and I was loving my date with Cody...and Derek and Jeff. The only thing that was a little difficult was that we all shared food at dinner and I had the problem of wanting more food, much more food, but feeling like I should eat very little because I was the woman. I normally pig out on dates, but I think it was the sharing aspect that had me in a funk.
Aside from completely enjoying the food but feeling like I wasn't supposed to indulge, it was a perfect Friday. On the drive home, we all described everyone in the car with one word. I remember calling Derek "child-like." Derek's instinct was to be insulted, but I explained that he thinks the best of people, even when they take advantage of him, etc. I have no memory of describing Jeff, but I remember very well calling Cody “confusing.” He wanted to know why, but I stayed vague. Truth is, he was confusing because of the silly question on date #1 and the two weeks between date #1 and #2, and the need for “double dates.” Cody described me as “whole.” I had no clue what this meant. He kept saying, just look up synonyms for whole and you will get a good idea of what I mean. Later that night at Cody’s, we did look up “whole” and one word that jumped out at me was the synonym “perfect.” I asked him if he wanted to change his word after reading what the thesaurus had to say and he simply said, “no.” I LOVED his one word description, obviously.
Also, on the car ride back from LA, everyone in the car described their types. The conversation really began because I was trying to see what kind of girl Derek was looking for, since he wasn’t really pursuing any girl in the ward. But, I was more alert and interested when Cody was describing his type. And it turns out, Cody’s ideal girl didn’t sound anything like me: patient, low-maintenance, spontaneous, (tan) and other attributes. I told Cody how high-maintenance, non-spontaneous, and impatient I am, but I didn’t feel like he was seeing the dilemma. I figured Cody should date someone like Wendy in the ward, a girl who would live in South America with him at the drop of a hat. But as we transitioned from the car to the guy's apartment, and especially after looking up “whole” in the thesaurus, I forgot about the ideal Cody wanted, which I wasn’t.
As a side note, I remember telling Cody on the ride back that I could totally picture him on a couch, relaxed, watching TV, all while drinking beer from a glass bottle (definately not a canned beer for some reason). I laugh when I think of that random comment, because there was no need to tell Cody this, and BECAUSE CODY IS SO NOT LIKE THAT, never was, never will be. And if he ever did drink beer, it would be a cheap, canned beer, not a fancy glass bottled one.
That night, after the date, I was supposed to head up to Joshua Tree National Forest to go camping with the ward, who had left earlier that afternoon for the campsite. But I lingered at Cody’s and he convinced me to stay in town because I was getting such a late start on the drive, because it was a 2 hour drive each way for such a quick turn around the next afternoon, and of course, because I was tired. I liked the protective hints and the “stay here longer” suggestion. After watching some tv with the roommates and snooping around Cody’s room, Cody drove me home.
The next evening, I went to dinner and saw a movie with a bunch of friends. It was nice telling all the girls about my date. During the movie, I received a text from Cody, inviting me to come over to his place to watch a movie. I waited until after the movie had finished, and then I called Cody to discuss the invitation. He said his movie had barely started and to make my way over to his place. I was hesitant, because I was already late, I had just seen a movie, there were some people over watching the movie that I didn’t know, and because I had just stayed late the night before. But I did want to go and spend time with my new guy friends, and especially Cody, so with very little persuasion, I headed over to Turtle Crest Apartments once again.
I walked up to the apartment only to enter a dark living room with bodies sprawled out on couches. I was kicking myself for taking Cody up on his offer and about to sit on the floor, but Cody said to come sit next to him, he’d make room. I joined him in “the pit,” a tight cuddle corner. The only way we fit in the space was to squeeze close. Cody had to put his arm around me to have our shoulders work in the space. The cuddling was nice, and I knew at that moment that I was attracted to Cody, that I was liking him. If the texts, the 3 hour phone conversation, the dates, flirting, and willingly going to watch half a movie when I'd already seen a great movie on the big screen hadn't let me know, the cuddling and subsequent butterflies did the trick. I had come to the realization that I liked Cody. Everything put together meant that my sister Brooke might actually be right, I might actually "seriously date" this Cody kid.
Now, my butterflies weren't all sugar and spice. I got nervous for what follows cuddling and affection...you know...kissing. I knew I wouldn't kiss Cody that night, but if we were already cuddling, and I knew I liked him, the kissing wasn't afar off. And have I mentioned that I HATE first kisses? Some people like them, actually most people probably like them, but I don't. And anything reminding me of a potential first kiss can make me somewhat nauseous. I just soak up all the nerves and awkwardness, and the experience is ruined. First kisses are too mental to be enjoyable. At least for me they are.
But like I said, I didn't think I needed to worry about kissing. I fell asleep in Cody's arms after the movie ended and the group started watching SNL. I awoke to only Cody and me in the living room. The other guests had left and did say good-bye to me, but I didn't wake up despite their attempts. Tired, and feeling silly for sleeping, I got up and started putting on my coat, all the while talking to Cody about this or that. Literally, out of the blue, right when I was tying the ribbon on my coat, and before I knew what was happening and could avoid it, Cody was in front of my face kissing me. I was caught so off guard. I didn't have much time to gete nauseous, because there was NO build-up, but I was still mentally thinking, "are we really kissing right now, tonight?" It was unlike any first kiss I’d ever had, which made me feel confused. It was a machine gun type of kiss. A series of fast, gentle kisses, one after the other. I was dying, because I hate the first kiss, but I really hate first kissES.
After the series ended, Cody walked me to my car. And at this point, I knew the line had been crossed. There was no turning back on the kissing. See, I normally date men for weeks, and go on numerous dates before kissing them. I wait till they can’t stand it anymore and until they virtually love me before I let them get any lip service. I figured it always gave me the upper hand. But with Cody, he snuck up on me. I didn’t have a chance to refuse the kissing situation. So, at my car I thought, “well, I might as well show him my skills.” No joke. That’s what I thought. I know, I know. But I wasn’t going to have our first kissing episode start and end with rapid fire pecks, gentle or not. So I threw my purse up on the roof of my car, put my back to the driver’s door, and gave him room to go in for more, but this time I kissed him back. And we slowed down. And we stood there, for an hour, kissing in the dark of night.
That night when I got home, I was too wired to go straight to bed. Plus, I had had a good nap. So I surfed the internet. I checked facebook, and Cody’s status showed up on my new's feed. All he said was, Cody “is rethinking his type.” And I remembered our car ride from LA two nights ago, when I told Cody I wasn't his type.
To be concluded...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Where we started...Part II
This is like a marathon, not a sprint. This installment of "where we started" is, I fear, much longer than the first. I think maybe I'll break it up so this isn't so dang long. My apologies :)
I enjoyed my holiday in Montana and was totally all about my family, but Cody wasn’t off my mind entirely. For starters, I received his response email to my facebook thank you while I was up there. Plus, my family, after learning of Cody’s gift, was asking a million questions about him, most of which I didn’t have the answers to. But I was able to use the gifted scarf in cold Montana and every time I did, I thought about Cody. Before leaving MT, my family did New Year’s predictions, a Bendheim family tradition. For years, at least 2 family members would predict that I would get married. Surprisingly, on this particular year, I don’t think any person predicted my marriage, but my sister Brooke did predict that I would either seriously date Cody or this other guy I was scheduled to be set up with. I thought “I’m so sure, Brooke.” Because although I was sure Cody and I would go out a couple times, “seriously date Cody” wasn’t something I thought would happen.
I left Montana and headed to Vegas with Ali and some other girlfriends. We met up with some “fresh meat” (aka new boys) from Utah who wanted to celebrate Vegas style with us. I had a blast that weekend, flirting with the boys there and deciphering which of them I liked the most. I had followed Cody’s request and asked Derek if he wanted to join us on the trip, but he politely declined. In hindsight, it was probably good Derek didn’t come, because then it would have been reported to Cody how flirty I had behaved in Vegas. And, with new, fresh, single, and attractive Mormon men in Vegas, Cody was a faint, distant thought.
After returning home from Vegas, I quickly forgot about my new Utah male friends. First and foremost, none asked for my phone number (only facebook friend requests), and secondly, I've done long distance before and know that I'd never do long distance relationships, or in this case crushes, again. Plus, I wasn’t sure I even really liked any of the Utah men, or if I just enjoyed some new male company with no strings attached, shameless flirting. It’s really hard to say. But with 2008 now gone and 2009 going strong, I knew that seeing Cody at church could mean a date invitation. And I was ready to say yes. After all, I had a "say yes to one date" policy, because I knew myself well enough to know that I didn’t always know “my type” or “the guy for me.”
After seeing Cody at church and FHE, I was a little puzzled since he hadn’t requested a date. But, he called me in the week and asked me out for January 10th. I was excited for the date because a date is a date people. And when you’re in your late 20’s and single in the Mormon scene, you count every good and bad date because some foolio will ask you when you visit your parents’ ward, “Have you been on any dates lately?” and a positive response alleviates an awkward moment and certainly any pathetic feelings. Plus, I like first dates…my policy is “it’s a good time or a good story.” And I’ve had plenty of good stories which have stemmed from awful dates.
Turns out the date for January 10th was a double date with Derek and a friend from the ward. I learned of the double aspect on the day of the date when Cody called to make final pick-up arrangements. I thought it was cute that Cody needed a “wing man” or wing couple as it was in this case.
Cody and the rest of the date goers came to pick me up last. Cody drove so we had the front seats, which made it seem like we were the official couple on the date and the others were just sidekicks. I remember liking the car Cody was driving which is so weird because I’m not a car person. Plus, how cliché is it for a girl to care about the car her date is driving. Shoot, I dated fools that don’t even own a car, let alone a good one. So needless to say, it was odd that I was noticing the car and even more odd that I concluded that Cody was driving Derek’s car because I, for some reason, pictured Cody driving a little Honda or Saturn, not something out of the ordinary like this SUV.
Anyway, we drove to Trabuco Canyon and went to a steakhouse, fit with a tree growing through the center of the restaurant and neck ties hanging everywhere. The food was good, but I had a splitting headache. Also, I found myself talking with April, Derek’s date, the most. After all, it was more convenient because she was seated across from me and I knew her the best out of anyone. But don’t get the wrong impression, Cody and I did converse, but all I really remember about the content of our conversations was that he asked me, “don’t you think people are more attractive tan?”
This was a major turn off for me, not to mention confusing. After all, I am a fair-skinned, butt-white woman. And I had embraced my glow-in-the-dark look and realized, that even when I do tan, it’s not impressive and is gone within a week. So his question made me wonder, "why is he asking me out if he wants a tan girl?," but I responded with sass and said I didn’t agree with his “tan is more attractive” stance. The rest of the dinner went smoothly and we later went to Will Smith’s movie, “Seven.” I cried in the movie which only exaggerated my headache, but I felt ok about crying because I warned everyone that I cry in movies. The drive home was easy conversation and Cody walked me to the door while the others waited in the car.
Now, it’s important to note that I never handle the “let me walk you to the door” situation well. I don’t want a first kiss on a first or second date, and I certainly never want to give an eager/aggressive dater the opportunity. So sometimes I come across as rushed to get in the door. I had the routine down to a science. I always pulled out my keys from my purse on the walk leading up to the door and would fiddle with them to give the “no kiss” signal once I had arrived at my door. I always tried to make as little eye contact as possible, while simultaneously saying all the right things, “thanks for the date,” “I had a great time”, etc. I was no different with Cody. I gave him a short hug and said good-bye, with little eye contact and little hesitation before entering my apartment.
My conclusion of the date was overall, neutral. I had a good time and enjoyed going out of Newport Beach for the date, but I also knew that a good amount of my time was spent with my friend April too and Cody did ask a silly question at dinner. I knew I needed more interaction to determine any level of attraction or chemistry.
Church on Sunday was fairly normal and Cody gave a talk. I remember feeling nervous for him and noticing how he breaths in heavily when he is nervous or publicly speaking. The talk was good though and afterward, in Relief Society, the girls kept coming up to me saying things like, “I like him Robin,” and “You should really date him.” It appeared as though the news of our date the night before had already spread, after all, Mormon women, including me, gossip like professionals. I laughed off the remarks…but liked everyone’s approval. Cody and I made short small talk that Sunday during linger-longer. We saw each other again at FHE. Come Wednesday, I was feeling crazy (correction, forward), and really wanted to see Madagascar 2 at the dollar theater. After a women’s institute class at church, I headed over to Cody’s apartment complex and made a call to invite him to see it with me. I was so very awkward in my invitation. It went something like this:
Robin: Hey Cody. It’s Robin.
Cody: Hey, what are you doing?
Robin: Oh, I just finished institute. What are you doing?
Cody: I’m just hanging out at my apartment with some friends who are down from LA. How was institute?
Robin: Oh, it was really good…(talk about lesson at institute)…well, I was going to ask you to go to Madagascar 2 with me tonight at the dollar theater, but it seems you have company.
Cody: Umm, what time does the movie start?
Robin: It starts in 10 minutes.
Cody: Wow. Well, where are you right now?
Robin: I’m actually in your apartment parking lot, but don’t worry, I was over in your neck of the woods anyway for institute, but you have company, and I’ll just see the movie by myself. It’s nothing big, just at the dollar theater. Have fun with your friends.
Cody: You are here? In my parking lot? How’d you get in?
Robin: I followed another car through the gate.
Cody: Oh. Ok then. I’ll go. I’ll be right down.
Robin: Cody, you really don’t have to. You have company. Spend time with your friends. Plus, I’ve seen movies by myself before.
Cody: Robin, I want to. Plus, these are really Jeff’s friends, not mine, and all we’re doing is watching TV. I’ll be right down.
I felt so stupid when I hung up the phone and just knew that my armpits were starting to sweat. I freshened up my look and blasted the a/c for a minute, and before I knew it, Cody was down and we raced to the movie. Some ward members were at the movie too, and I thought, “oh brother, more fuel for rumors.” The movie was funny and we had a great time. I drove him back home and we stayed in the car for an hour in his parking lot just talking about nothing really. I was thinking I could like him. I know I should have known that I liked him at this point, since I had just asked the fool out, but I didn’t. I knew I liked talking to him, seeing movies with him, and that we had the same sense of humor because we laughed in tandem at the movie. But there was a part of me holding myself back, confusing me, and making an admission of interest in dating Cody impossible.
The next day I received a call and invitation from Cody to go to the Jay Leno show with him for the following Friday. He had four tickets and would have Derek take a date too. I thought it was a great idea since I’d never been to Jay Leno on a date before. Most dates are dinners and the like, but Jay Leno is more exotic, more unique, and certainly more brag worthy. Our phone conversation lasted three hours that night and after feeling like I’d talked his ear off, I ended the conversation. I knew three hours meant something about how I felt about this Cody kid, because in all honesty, I’m a horrible phone talker. But what the “something” meant I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t making any conclusions about my affection based on a stupid phone call, even if it did last 3 hours.
I enjoyed my holiday in Montana and was totally all about my family, but Cody wasn’t off my mind entirely. For starters, I received his response email to my facebook thank you while I was up there. Plus, my family, after learning of Cody’s gift, was asking a million questions about him, most of which I didn’t have the answers to. But I was able to use the gifted scarf in cold Montana and every time I did, I thought about Cody. Before leaving MT, my family did New Year’s predictions, a Bendheim family tradition. For years, at least 2 family members would predict that I would get married. Surprisingly, on this particular year, I don’t think any person predicted my marriage, but my sister Brooke did predict that I would either seriously date Cody or this other guy I was scheduled to be set up with. I thought “I’m so sure, Brooke.” Because although I was sure Cody and I would go out a couple times, “seriously date Cody” wasn’t something I thought would happen.
I left Montana and headed to Vegas with Ali and some other girlfriends. We met up with some “fresh meat” (aka new boys) from Utah who wanted to celebrate Vegas style with us. I had a blast that weekend, flirting with the boys there and deciphering which of them I liked the most. I had followed Cody’s request and asked Derek if he wanted to join us on the trip, but he politely declined. In hindsight, it was probably good Derek didn’t come, because then it would have been reported to Cody how flirty I had behaved in Vegas. And, with new, fresh, single, and attractive Mormon men in Vegas, Cody was a faint, distant thought.
After returning home from Vegas, I quickly forgot about my new Utah male friends. First and foremost, none asked for my phone number (only facebook friend requests), and secondly, I've done long distance before and know that I'd never do long distance relationships, or in this case crushes, again. Plus, I wasn’t sure I even really liked any of the Utah men, or if I just enjoyed some new male company with no strings attached, shameless flirting. It’s really hard to say. But with 2008 now gone and 2009 going strong, I knew that seeing Cody at church could mean a date invitation. And I was ready to say yes. After all, I had a "say yes to one date" policy, because I knew myself well enough to know that I didn’t always know “my type” or “the guy for me.”
After seeing Cody at church and FHE, I was a little puzzled since he hadn’t requested a date. But, he called me in the week and asked me out for January 10th. I was excited for the date because a date is a date people. And when you’re in your late 20’s and single in the Mormon scene, you count every good and bad date because some foolio will ask you when you visit your parents’ ward, “Have you been on any dates lately?” and a positive response alleviates an awkward moment and certainly any pathetic feelings. Plus, I like first dates…my policy is “it’s a good time or a good story.” And I’ve had plenty of good stories which have stemmed from awful dates.
Turns out the date for January 10th was a double date with Derek and a friend from the ward. I learned of the double aspect on the day of the date when Cody called to make final pick-up arrangements. I thought it was cute that Cody needed a “wing man” or wing couple as it was in this case.
Cody and the rest of the date goers came to pick me up last. Cody drove so we had the front seats, which made it seem like we were the official couple on the date and the others were just sidekicks. I remember liking the car Cody was driving which is so weird because I’m not a car person. Plus, how cliché is it for a girl to care about the car her date is driving. Shoot, I dated fools that don’t even own a car, let alone a good one. So needless to say, it was odd that I was noticing the car and even more odd that I concluded that Cody was driving Derek’s car because I, for some reason, pictured Cody driving a little Honda or Saturn, not something out of the ordinary like this SUV.
Anyway, we drove to Trabuco Canyon and went to a steakhouse, fit with a tree growing through the center of the restaurant and neck ties hanging everywhere. The food was good, but I had a splitting headache. Also, I found myself talking with April, Derek’s date, the most. After all, it was more convenient because she was seated across from me and I knew her the best out of anyone. But don’t get the wrong impression, Cody and I did converse, but all I really remember about the content of our conversations was that he asked me, “don’t you think people are more attractive tan?”
This was a major turn off for me, not to mention confusing. After all, I am a fair-skinned, butt-white woman. And I had embraced my glow-in-the-dark look and realized, that even when I do tan, it’s not impressive and is gone within a week. So his question made me wonder, "why is he asking me out if he wants a tan girl?," but I responded with sass and said I didn’t agree with his “tan is more attractive” stance. The rest of the dinner went smoothly and we later went to Will Smith’s movie, “Seven.” I cried in the movie which only exaggerated my headache, but I felt ok about crying because I warned everyone that I cry in movies. The drive home was easy conversation and Cody walked me to the door while the others waited in the car.
Now, it’s important to note that I never handle the “let me walk you to the door” situation well. I don’t want a first kiss on a first or second date, and I certainly never want to give an eager/aggressive dater the opportunity. So sometimes I come across as rushed to get in the door. I had the routine down to a science. I always pulled out my keys from my purse on the walk leading up to the door and would fiddle with them to give the “no kiss” signal once I had arrived at my door. I always tried to make as little eye contact as possible, while simultaneously saying all the right things, “thanks for the date,” “I had a great time”, etc. I was no different with Cody. I gave him a short hug and said good-bye, with little eye contact and little hesitation before entering my apartment.
My conclusion of the date was overall, neutral. I had a good time and enjoyed going out of Newport Beach for the date, but I also knew that a good amount of my time was spent with my friend April too and Cody did ask a silly question at dinner. I knew I needed more interaction to determine any level of attraction or chemistry.
Church on Sunday was fairly normal and Cody gave a talk. I remember feeling nervous for him and noticing how he breaths in heavily when he is nervous or publicly speaking. The talk was good though and afterward, in Relief Society, the girls kept coming up to me saying things like, “I like him Robin,” and “You should really date him.” It appeared as though the news of our date the night before had already spread, after all, Mormon women, including me, gossip like professionals. I laughed off the remarks…but liked everyone’s approval. Cody and I made short small talk that Sunday during linger-longer. We saw each other again at FHE. Come Wednesday, I was feeling crazy (correction, forward), and really wanted to see Madagascar 2 at the dollar theater. After a women’s institute class at church, I headed over to Cody’s apartment complex and made a call to invite him to see it with me. I was so very awkward in my invitation. It went something like this:
Robin: Hey Cody. It’s Robin.
Cody: Hey, what are you doing?
Robin: Oh, I just finished institute. What are you doing?
Cody: I’m just hanging out at my apartment with some friends who are down from LA. How was institute?
Robin: Oh, it was really good…(talk about lesson at institute)…well, I was going to ask you to go to Madagascar 2 with me tonight at the dollar theater, but it seems you have company.
Cody: Umm, what time does the movie start?
Robin: It starts in 10 minutes.
Cody: Wow. Well, where are you right now?
Robin: I’m actually in your apartment parking lot, but don’t worry, I was over in your neck of the woods anyway for institute, but you have company, and I’ll just see the movie by myself. It’s nothing big, just at the dollar theater. Have fun with your friends.
Cody: You are here? In my parking lot? How’d you get in?
Robin: I followed another car through the gate.
Cody: Oh. Ok then. I’ll go. I’ll be right down.
Robin: Cody, you really don’t have to. You have company. Spend time with your friends. Plus, I’ve seen movies by myself before.
Cody: Robin, I want to. Plus, these are really Jeff’s friends, not mine, and all we’re doing is watching TV. I’ll be right down.
I felt so stupid when I hung up the phone and just knew that my armpits were starting to sweat. I freshened up my look and blasted the a/c for a minute, and before I knew it, Cody was down and we raced to the movie. Some ward members were at the movie too, and I thought, “oh brother, more fuel for rumors.” The movie was funny and we had a great time. I drove him back home and we stayed in the car for an hour in his parking lot just talking about nothing really. I was thinking I could like him. I know I should have known that I liked him at this point, since I had just asked the fool out, but I didn’t. I knew I liked talking to him, seeing movies with him, and that we had the same sense of humor because we laughed in tandem at the movie. But there was a part of me holding myself back, confusing me, and making an admission of interest in dating Cody impossible.
The next day I received a call and invitation from Cody to go to the Jay Leno show with him for the following Friday. He had four tickets and would have Derek take a date too. I thought it was a great idea since I’d never been to Jay Leno on a date before. Most dates are dinners and the like, but Jay Leno is more exotic, more unique, and certainly more brag worthy. Our phone conversation lasted three hours that night and after feeling like I’d talked his ear off, I ended the conversation. I knew three hours meant something about how I felt about this Cody kid, because in all honesty, I’m a horrible phone talker. But what the “something” meant I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t making any conclusions about my affection based on a stupid phone call, even if it did last 3 hours.
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