Here is the installment leading up to our first kiss. This is the second to last installment...although I'm tempted to keep going because Cody was so amazing during our entire dating period. He was the most thoughtful and sweet boyfriend and I'd love to share every email and detail of every date, but Cody said that would be too much. He's hinted at the fact that I've already overdone this project. And he argues that some dating details and emails should be considered private. He wants some memories to just be ours. What a selfish downer, right? His restrictions are so confining. But he's probably right and I know it. And it pisses me off when he's right.
So get on your slippers and get out your reading glasses and get ready for some k-i-s-s-i-n-g.
It was over a week until our Jay Leno taping date. We had church and FHE, texts and subtle flirting, but no real time together. Friday eventually came and I was so excited for the date. I remember thinking about how fun Jay Leno was going to be. The whole day at work I was only thinking about the date. Well, not really the whole day. I worked only a half a day because Cody was coming to pick me up so we could be in LA in time for the taping.
After leaving work, I rushed around trying to get ready, eat some lunch, and get the house all clean before Cody came. I felt like I was ahead of schedule and that I might even have some down time for the make-up and perfume to settle, and the body to relax before Cody came, but Cody called when he was about 5 minutes out warning me that he was going to be arriving ahead of schedule. With a good amount of sass, I scolded him for arriving early, because no man should be early picking up a woman for a date. It's just a rule of dating. A man can't be late either, so it's a tight rope to walk. I guess I'll counsel my sons to arrive early and wait in the car (down the street) until the given time arrives and then drive the 100 yards to the girl's house and walk to her door to pick her up. But Cody was coming early because he didn't want to hit too much traffic, was getting nervous about it being Friday and all, and he knew I was home. At least he called, because I was able to kick it into high gear and pretend like 5 minutes is all I need to get ready.
Derek’s date ended up canceling on him, so he took Jeff. So it was the three male roommates and me for the entire afternoon and night. It ended up being great with the guys and I didn't feel out of place thanks to Cody. After arriving at the Jay Leno Show taping with a little time to spare, Cody relaxed and I felt him being a tad touchy and flirtatious. Cody and I had a great time laughing and whispering during the show, which had Marissa Tomei as the main guest. She was there to discuss her nomination for an Oscar for The Westler. She looked phenominal. A comedian was also on the show, and he was seriously hi-lar-ious. I still remember some of his jokes. The last guest was an animal guy, and he had some wierd animals that I couldn't even begin to remember, even if I tried. So the show had a good variety, and certainly didn't disappoint.
After the taping, we drove to Santa Monica and went to this posh restaurant in LA called Rock Sugar…which was De-lic-ious!!!! Conversation was smooth and I was loving my date with Cody...and Derek and Jeff. The only thing that was a little difficult was that we all shared food at dinner and I had the problem of wanting more food, much more food, but feeling like I should eat very little because I was the woman. I normally pig out on dates, but I think it was the sharing aspect that had me in a funk.
Aside from completely enjoying the food but feeling like I wasn't supposed to indulge, it was a perfect Friday. On the drive home, we all described everyone in the car with one word. I remember calling Derek "child-like." Derek's instinct was to be insulted, but I explained that he thinks the best of people, even when they take advantage of him, etc. I have no memory of describing Jeff, but I remember very well calling Cody “confusing.” He wanted to know why, but I stayed vague. Truth is, he was confusing because of the silly question on date #1 and the two weeks between date #1 and #2, and the need for “double dates.” Cody described me as “whole.” I had no clue what this meant. He kept saying, just look up synonyms for whole and you will get a good idea of what I mean. Later that night at Cody’s, we did look up “whole” and one word that jumped out at me was the synonym “perfect.” I asked him if he wanted to change his word after reading what the thesaurus had to say and he simply said, “no.” I LOVED his one word description, obviously.
Also, on the car ride back from LA, everyone in the car described their types. The conversation really began because I was trying to see what kind of girl Derek was looking for, since he wasn’t really pursuing any girl in the ward. But, I was more alert and interested when Cody was describing his type. And it turns out, Cody’s ideal girl didn’t sound anything like me: patient, low-maintenance, spontaneous, (tan) and other attributes. I told Cody how high-maintenance, non-spontaneous, and impatient I am, but I didn’t feel like he was seeing the dilemma. I figured Cody should date someone like Wendy in the ward, a girl who would live in South America with him at the drop of a hat. But as we transitioned from the car to the guy's apartment, and especially after looking up “whole” in the thesaurus, I forgot about the ideal Cody wanted, which I wasn’t.
As a side note, I remember telling Cody on the ride back that I could totally picture him on a couch, relaxed, watching TV, all while drinking beer from a glass bottle (definately not a canned beer for some reason). I laugh when I think of that random comment, because there was no need to tell Cody this, and BECAUSE CODY IS SO NOT LIKE THAT, never was, never will be. And if he ever did drink beer, it would be a cheap, canned beer, not a fancy glass bottled one.
That night, after the date, I was supposed to head up to Joshua Tree National Forest to go camping with the ward, who had left earlier that afternoon for the campsite. But I lingered at Cody’s and he convinced me to stay in town because I was getting such a late start on the drive, because it was a 2 hour drive each way for such a quick turn around the next afternoon, and of course, because I was tired. I liked the protective hints and the “stay here longer” suggestion. After watching some tv with the roommates and snooping around Cody’s room, Cody drove me home.
The next evening, I went to dinner and saw a movie with a bunch of friends. It was nice telling all the girls about my date. During the movie, I received a text from Cody, inviting me to come over to his place to watch a movie. I waited until after the movie had finished, and then I called Cody to discuss the invitation. He said his movie had barely started and to make my way over to his place. I was hesitant, because I was already late, I had just seen a movie, there were some people over watching the movie that I didn’t know, and because I had just stayed late the night before. But I did want to go and spend time with my new guy friends, and especially Cody, so with very little persuasion, I headed over to Turtle Crest Apartments once again.
I walked up to the apartment only to enter a dark living room with bodies sprawled out on couches. I was kicking myself for taking Cody up on his offer and about to sit on the floor, but Cody said to come sit next to him, he’d make room. I joined him in “the pit,” a tight cuddle corner. The only way we fit in the space was to squeeze close. Cody had to put his arm around me to have our shoulders work in the space. The cuddling was nice, and I knew at that moment that I was attracted to Cody, that I was liking him. If the texts, the 3 hour phone conversation, the dates, flirting, and willingly going to watch half a movie when I'd already seen a great movie on the big screen hadn't let me know, the cuddling and subsequent butterflies did the trick. I had come to the realization that I liked Cody. Everything put together meant that my sister Brooke might actually be right, I might actually "seriously date" this Cody kid.
Now, my butterflies weren't all sugar and spice. I got nervous for what follows cuddling and affection...you know...kissing. I knew I wouldn't kiss Cody that night, but if we were already cuddling, and I knew I liked him, the kissing wasn't afar off. And have I mentioned that I HATE first kisses? Some people like them, actually most people probably like them, but I don't. And anything reminding me of a potential first kiss can make me somewhat nauseous. I just soak up all the nerves and awkwardness, and the experience is ruined. First kisses are too mental to be enjoyable. At least for me they are.
But like I said, I didn't think I needed to worry about kissing. I fell asleep in Cody's arms after the movie ended and the group started watching SNL. I awoke to only Cody and me in the living room. The other guests had left and did say good-bye to me, but I didn't wake up despite their attempts. Tired, and feeling silly for sleeping, I got up and started putting on my coat, all the while talking to Cody about this or that. Literally, out of the blue, right when I was tying the ribbon on my coat, and before I knew what was happening and could avoid it, Cody was in front of my face kissing me. I was caught so off guard. I didn't have much time to gete nauseous, because there was NO build-up, but I was still mentally thinking, "are we really kissing right now, tonight?" It was unlike any first kiss I’d ever had, which made me feel confused. It was a machine gun type of kiss. A series of fast, gentle kisses, one after the other. I was dying, because I hate the first kiss, but I really hate first kissES.
After the series ended, Cody walked me to my car. And at this point, I knew the line had been crossed. There was no turning back on the kissing. See, I normally date men for weeks, and go on numerous dates before kissing them. I wait till they can’t stand it anymore and until they virtually love me before I let them get any lip service. I figured it always gave me the upper hand. But with Cody, he snuck up on me. I didn’t have a chance to refuse the kissing situation. So, at my car I thought, “well, I might as well show him my skills.” No joke. That’s what I thought. I know, I know. But I wasn’t going to have our first kissing episode start and end with rapid fire pecks, gentle or not. So I threw my purse up on the roof of my car, put my back to the driver’s door, and gave him room to go in for more, but this time I kissed him back. And we slowed down. And we stood there, for an hour, kissing in the dark of night.
That night when I got home, I was too wired to go straight to bed. Plus, I had had a good nap. So I surfed the internet. I checked facebook, and Cody’s status showed up on my new's feed. All he said was, Cody “is rethinking his type.” And I remembered our car ride from LA two nights ago, when I told Cody I wasn't his type.
To be concluded...
Robin, Cody, and Alivia: Livin' and Lovin' Life One Day at a Time
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Where we started...Part II
This is like a marathon, not a sprint. This installment of "where we started" is, I fear, much longer than the first. I think maybe I'll break it up so this isn't so dang long. My apologies :)
I enjoyed my holiday in Montana and was totally all about my family, but Cody wasn’t off my mind entirely. For starters, I received his response email to my facebook thank you while I was up there. Plus, my family, after learning of Cody’s gift, was asking a million questions about him, most of which I didn’t have the answers to. But I was able to use the gifted scarf in cold Montana and every time I did, I thought about Cody. Before leaving MT, my family did New Year’s predictions, a Bendheim family tradition. For years, at least 2 family members would predict that I would get married. Surprisingly, on this particular year, I don’t think any person predicted my marriage, but my sister Brooke did predict that I would either seriously date Cody or this other guy I was scheduled to be set up with. I thought “I’m so sure, Brooke.” Because although I was sure Cody and I would go out a couple times, “seriously date Cody” wasn’t something I thought would happen.
I left Montana and headed to Vegas with Ali and some other girlfriends. We met up with some “fresh meat” (aka new boys) from Utah who wanted to celebrate Vegas style with us. I had a blast that weekend, flirting with the boys there and deciphering which of them I liked the most. I had followed Cody’s request and asked Derek if he wanted to join us on the trip, but he politely declined. In hindsight, it was probably good Derek didn’t come, because then it would have been reported to Cody how flirty I had behaved in Vegas. And, with new, fresh, single, and attractive Mormon men in Vegas, Cody was a faint, distant thought.
After returning home from Vegas, I quickly forgot about my new Utah male friends. First and foremost, none asked for my phone number (only facebook friend requests), and secondly, I've done long distance before and know that I'd never do long distance relationships, or in this case crushes, again. Plus, I wasn’t sure I even really liked any of the Utah men, or if I just enjoyed some new male company with no strings attached, shameless flirting. It’s really hard to say. But with 2008 now gone and 2009 going strong, I knew that seeing Cody at church could mean a date invitation. And I was ready to say yes. After all, I had a "say yes to one date" policy, because I knew myself well enough to know that I didn’t always know “my type” or “the guy for me.”
After seeing Cody at church and FHE, I was a little puzzled since he hadn’t requested a date. But, he called me in the week and asked me out for January 10th. I was excited for the date because a date is a date people. And when you’re in your late 20’s and single in the Mormon scene, you count every good and bad date because some foolio will ask you when you visit your parents’ ward, “Have you been on any dates lately?” and a positive response alleviates an awkward moment and certainly any pathetic feelings. Plus, I like first dates…my policy is “it’s a good time or a good story.” And I’ve had plenty of good stories which have stemmed from awful dates.
Turns out the date for January 10th was a double date with Derek and a friend from the ward. I learned of the double aspect on the day of the date when Cody called to make final pick-up arrangements. I thought it was cute that Cody needed a “wing man” or wing couple as it was in this case.
Cody and the rest of the date goers came to pick me up last. Cody drove so we had the front seats, which made it seem like we were the official couple on the date and the others were just sidekicks. I remember liking the car Cody was driving which is so weird because I’m not a car person. Plus, how cliché is it for a girl to care about the car her date is driving. Shoot, I dated fools that don’t even own a car, let alone a good one. So needless to say, it was odd that I was noticing the car and even more odd that I concluded that Cody was driving Derek’s car because I, for some reason, pictured Cody driving a little Honda or Saturn, not something out of the ordinary like this SUV.
Anyway, we drove to Trabuco Canyon and went to a steakhouse, fit with a tree growing through the center of the restaurant and neck ties hanging everywhere. The food was good, but I had a splitting headache. Also, I found myself talking with April, Derek’s date, the most. After all, it was more convenient because she was seated across from me and I knew her the best out of anyone. But don’t get the wrong impression, Cody and I did converse, but all I really remember about the content of our conversations was that he asked me, “don’t you think people are more attractive tan?”
This was a major turn off for me, not to mention confusing. After all, I am a fair-skinned, butt-white woman. And I had embraced my glow-in-the-dark look and realized, that even when I do tan, it’s not impressive and is gone within a week. So his question made me wonder, "why is he asking me out if he wants a tan girl?," but I responded with sass and said I didn’t agree with his “tan is more attractive” stance. The rest of the dinner went smoothly and we later went to Will Smith’s movie, “Seven.” I cried in the movie which only exaggerated my headache, but I felt ok about crying because I warned everyone that I cry in movies. The drive home was easy conversation and Cody walked me to the door while the others waited in the car.
Now, it’s important to note that I never handle the “let me walk you to the door” situation well. I don’t want a first kiss on a first or second date, and I certainly never want to give an eager/aggressive dater the opportunity. So sometimes I come across as rushed to get in the door. I had the routine down to a science. I always pulled out my keys from my purse on the walk leading up to the door and would fiddle with them to give the “no kiss” signal once I had arrived at my door. I always tried to make as little eye contact as possible, while simultaneously saying all the right things, “thanks for the date,” “I had a great time”, etc. I was no different with Cody. I gave him a short hug and said good-bye, with little eye contact and little hesitation before entering my apartment.
My conclusion of the date was overall, neutral. I had a good time and enjoyed going out of Newport Beach for the date, but I also knew that a good amount of my time was spent with my friend April too and Cody did ask a silly question at dinner. I knew I needed more interaction to determine any level of attraction or chemistry.
Church on Sunday was fairly normal and Cody gave a talk. I remember feeling nervous for him and noticing how he breaths in heavily when he is nervous or publicly speaking. The talk was good though and afterward, in Relief Society, the girls kept coming up to me saying things like, “I like him Robin,” and “You should really date him.” It appeared as though the news of our date the night before had already spread, after all, Mormon women, including me, gossip like professionals. I laughed off the remarks…but liked everyone’s approval. Cody and I made short small talk that Sunday during linger-longer. We saw each other again at FHE. Come Wednesday, I was feeling crazy (correction, forward), and really wanted to see Madagascar 2 at the dollar theater. After a women’s institute class at church, I headed over to Cody’s apartment complex and made a call to invite him to see it with me. I was so very awkward in my invitation. It went something like this:
Robin: Hey Cody. It’s Robin.
Cody: Hey, what are you doing?
Robin: Oh, I just finished institute. What are you doing?
Cody: I’m just hanging out at my apartment with some friends who are down from LA. How was institute?
Robin: Oh, it was really good…(talk about lesson at institute)…well, I was going to ask you to go to Madagascar 2 with me tonight at the dollar theater, but it seems you have company.
Cody: Umm, what time does the movie start?
Robin: It starts in 10 minutes.
Cody: Wow. Well, where are you right now?
Robin: I’m actually in your apartment parking lot, but don’t worry, I was over in your neck of the woods anyway for institute, but you have company, and I’ll just see the movie by myself. It’s nothing big, just at the dollar theater. Have fun with your friends.
Cody: You are here? In my parking lot? How’d you get in?
Robin: I followed another car through the gate.
Cody: Oh. Ok then. I’ll go. I’ll be right down.
Robin: Cody, you really don’t have to. You have company. Spend time with your friends. Plus, I’ve seen movies by myself before.
Cody: Robin, I want to. Plus, these are really Jeff’s friends, not mine, and all we’re doing is watching TV. I’ll be right down.
I felt so stupid when I hung up the phone and just knew that my armpits were starting to sweat. I freshened up my look and blasted the a/c for a minute, and before I knew it, Cody was down and we raced to the movie. Some ward members were at the movie too, and I thought, “oh brother, more fuel for rumors.” The movie was funny and we had a great time. I drove him back home and we stayed in the car for an hour in his parking lot just talking about nothing really. I was thinking I could like him. I know I should have known that I liked him at this point, since I had just asked the fool out, but I didn’t. I knew I liked talking to him, seeing movies with him, and that we had the same sense of humor because we laughed in tandem at the movie. But there was a part of me holding myself back, confusing me, and making an admission of interest in dating Cody impossible.
The next day I received a call and invitation from Cody to go to the Jay Leno show with him for the following Friday. He had four tickets and would have Derek take a date too. I thought it was a great idea since I’d never been to Jay Leno on a date before. Most dates are dinners and the like, but Jay Leno is more exotic, more unique, and certainly more brag worthy. Our phone conversation lasted three hours that night and after feeling like I’d talked his ear off, I ended the conversation. I knew three hours meant something about how I felt about this Cody kid, because in all honesty, I’m a horrible phone talker. But what the “something” meant I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t making any conclusions about my affection based on a stupid phone call, even if it did last 3 hours.
I enjoyed my holiday in Montana and was totally all about my family, but Cody wasn’t off my mind entirely. For starters, I received his response email to my facebook thank you while I was up there. Plus, my family, after learning of Cody’s gift, was asking a million questions about him, most of which I didn’t have the answers to. But I was able to use the gifted scarf in cold Montana and every time I did, I thought about Cody. Before leaving MT, my family did New Year’s predictions, a Bendheim family tradition. For years, at least 2 family members would predict that I would get married. Surprisingly, on this particular year, I don’t think any person predicted my marriage, but my sister Brooke did predict that I would either seriously date Cody or this other guy I was scheduled to be set up with. I thought “I’m so sure, Brooke.” Because although I was sure Cody and I would go out a couple times, “seriously date Cody” wasn’t something I thought would happen.
I left Montana and headed to Vegas with Ali and some other girlfriends. We met up with some “fresh meat” (aka new boys) from Utah who wanted to celebrate Vegas style with us. I had a blast that weekend, flirting with the boys there and deciphering which of them I liked the most. I had followed Cody’s request and asked Derek if he wanted to join us on the trip, but he politely declined. In hindsight, it was probably good Derek didn’t come, because then it would have been reported to Cody how flirty I had behaved in Vegas. And, with new, fresh, single, and attractive Mormon men in Vegas, Cody was a faint, distant thought.
After returning home from Vegas, I quickly forgot about my new Utah male friends. First and foremost, none asked for my phone number (only facebook friend requests), and secondly, I've done long distance before and know that I'd never do long distance relationships, or in this case crushes, again. Plus, I wasn’t sure I even really liked any of the Utah men, or if I just enjoyed some new male company with no strings attached, shameless flirting. It’s really hard to say. But with 2008 now gone and 2009 going strong, I knew that seeing Cody at church could mean a date invitation. And I was ready to say yes. After all, I had a "say yes to one date" policy, because I knew myself well enough to know that I didn’t always know “my type” or “the guy for me.”
After seeing Cody at church and FHE, I was a little puzzled since he hadn’t requested a date. But, he called me in the week and asked me out for January 10th. I was excited for the date because a date is a date people. And when you’re in your late 20’s and single in the Mormon scene, you count every good and bad date because some foolio will ask you when you visit your parents’ ward, “Have you been on any dates lately?” and a positive response alleviates an awkward moment and certainly any pathetic feelings. Plus, I like first dates…my policy is “it’s a good time or a good story.” And I’ve had plenty of good stories which have stemmed from awful dates.
Turns out the date for January 10th was a double date with Derek and a friend from the ward. I learned of the double aspect on the day of the date when Cody called to make final pick-up arrangements. I thought it was cute that Cody needed a “wing man” or wing couple as it was in this case.
Cody and the rest of the date goers came to pick me up last. Cody drove so we had the front seats, which made it seem like we were the official couple on the date and the others were just sidekicks. I remember liking the car Cody was driving which is so weird because I’m not a car person. Plus, how cliché is it for a girl to care about the car her date is driving. Shoot, I dated fools that don’t even own a car, let alone a good one. So needless to say, it was odd that I was noticing the car and even more odd that I concluded that Cody was driving Derek’s car because I, for some reason, pictured Cody driving a little Honda or Saturn, not something out of the ordinary like this SUV.
Anyway, we drove to Trabuco Canyon and went to a steakhouse, fit with a tree growing through the center of the restaurant and neck ties hanging everywhere. The food was good, but I had a splitting headache. Also, I found myself talking with April, Derek’s date, the most. After all, it was more convenient because she was seated across from me and I knew her the best out of anyone. But don’t get the wrong impression, Cody and I did converse, but all I really remember about the content of our conversations was that he asked me, “don’t you think people are more attractive tan?”
This was a major turn off for me, not to mention confusing. After all, I am a fair-skinned, butt-white woman. And I had embraced my glow-in-the-dark look and realized, that even when I do tan, it’s not impressive and is gone within a week. So his question made me wonder, "why is he asking me out if he wants a tan girl?," but I responded with sass and said I didn’t agree with his “tan is more attractive” stance. The rest of the dinner went smoothly and we later went to Will Smith’s movie, “Seven.” I cried in the movie which only exaggerated my headache, but I felt ok about crying because I warned everyone that I cry in movies. The drive home was easy conversation and Cody walked me to the door while the others waited in the car.
Now, it’s important to note that I never handle the “let me walk you to the door” situation well. I don’t want a first kiss on a first or second date, and I certainly never want to give an eager/aggressive dater the opportunity. So sometimes I come across as rushed to get in the door. I had the routine down to a science. I always pulled out my keys from my purse on the walk leading up to the door and would fiddle with them to give the “no kiss” signal once I had arrived at my door. I always tried to make as little eye contact as possible, while simultaneously saying all the right things, “thanks for the date,” “I had a great time”, etc. I was no different with Cody. I gave him a short hug and said good-bye, with little eye contact and little hesitation before entering my apartment.
My conclusion of the date was overall, neutral. I had a good time and enjoyed going out of Newport Beach for the date, but I also knew that a good amount of my time was spent with my friend April too and Cody did ask a silly question at dinner. I knew I needed more interaction to determine any level of attraction or chemistry.
Church on Sunday was fairly normal and Cody gave a talk. I remember feeling nervous for him and noticing how he breaths in heavily when he is nervous or publicly speaking. The talk was good though and afterward, in Relief Society, the girls kept coming up to me saying things like, “I like him Robin,” and “You should really date him.” It appeared as though the news of our date the night before had already spread, after all, Mormon women, including me, gossip like professionals. I laughed off the remarks…but liked everyone’s approval. Cody and I made short small talk that Sunday during linger-longer. We saw each other again at FHE. Come Wednesday, I was feeling crazy (correction, forward), and really wanted to see Madagascar 2 at the dollar theater. After a women’s institute class at church, I headed over to Cody’s apartment complex and made a call to invite him to see it with me. I was so very awkward in my invitation. It went something like this:
Robin: Hey Cody. It’s Robin.
Cody: Hey, what are you doing?
Robin: Oh, I just finished institute. What are you doing?
Cody: I’m just hanging out at my apartment with some friends who are down from LA. How was institute?
Robin: Oh, it was really good…(talk about lesson at institute)…well, I was going to ask you to go to Madagascar 2 with me tonight at the dollar theater, but it seems you have company.
Cody: Umm, what time does the movie start?
Robin: It starts in 10 minutes.
Cody: Wow. Well, where are you right now?
Robin: I’m actually in your apartment parking lot, but don’t worry, I was over in your neck of the woods anyway for institute, but you have company, and I’ll just see the movie by myself. It’s nothing big, just at the dollar theater. Have fun with your friends.
Cody: You are here? In my parking lot? How’d you get in?
Robin: I followed another car through the gate.
Cody: Oh. Ok then. I’ll go. I’ll be right down.
Robin: Cody, you really don’t have to. You have company. Spend time with your friends. Plus, I’ve seen movies by myself before.
Cody: Robin, I want to. Plus, these are really Jeff’s friends, not mine, and all we’re doing is watching TV. I’ll be right down.
I felt so stupid when I hung up the phone and just knew that my armpits were starting to sweat. I freshened up my look and blasted the a/c for a minute, and before I knew it, Cody was down and we raced to the movie. Some ward members were at the movie too, and I thought, “oh brother, more fuel for rumors.” The movie was funny and we had a great time. I drove him back home and we stayed in the car for an hour in his parking lot just talking about nothing really. I was thinking I could like him. I know I should have known that I liked him at this point, since I had just asked the fool out, but I didn’t. I knew I liked talking to him, seeing movies with him, and that we had the same sense of humor because we laughed in tandem at the movie. But there was a part of me holding myself back, confusing me, and making an admission of interest in dating Cody impossible.
The next day I received a call and invitation from Cody to go to the Jay Leno show with him for the following Friday. He had four tickets and would have Derek take a date too. I thought it was a great idea since I’d never been to Jay Leno on a date before. Most dates are dinners and the like, but Jay Leno is more exotic, more unique, and certainly more brag worthy. Our phone conversation lasted three hours that night and after feeling like I’d talked his ear off, I ended the conversation. I knew three hours meant something about how I felt about this Cody kid, because in all honesty, I’m a horrible phone talker. But what the “something” meant I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t making any conclusions about my affection based on a stupid phone call, even if it did last 3 hours.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Where we started...
I've been reading a friend's blog lately where she recently documented how she and her husband began dating, in three blog installments. It was very entertaining and informative and I found myself annoyed with her when she took too much time to post the third installment. Just goes to show how demanding I can be as a blog stalker, and how much I love me a good love story.
I like the idea of doing the same, especially since I'm planning on making this blog into a journal/scrapbook. I think the posterity will enjoy the story of how we began. I'm going to try to get Cody to write his version, because, of course, they are very different. But I make no promises on his behalf. And hopefully, some of you will actually read this whole thing, but remember, I'm long-winded and detail oriented. Plus, I make no promises of being as entertaining as was my inspiration for this blog. Let's just try to give this a go, shall we?
Here is my version of the beginning.
I was horribly lost trying to find FHE. I forgot the number of my FHE dad, Derek’s apartment and finally needed to call someone who was already at the apartment for the number. I felt stupid going, but felt obligated to support my assigned FHE family, felt I had to put myself “out there” for some dating blessings, not to mention that I was Relief Society President and would have felt guilt had I purposely ditched a ward activity with no good excuse. So, when I finally found the apartment, I was partly relieved and partly hoping I would have never been able to find the apartment. It would have subsided my guilt, alleviated my stupid feeling, still given me points for “dating blessings” because after all, I had tried, and I would have had another opportunity in the future to support my FHE family. But given that I had found the apartment, I turned the knob without knocking (because I was late) and made a grand entrance because I walked in on the middle of the spiritual thought. The evening felt very normal and familiar thereafter. Just a typical FHE. After the thought and some dessert, Derek introduced me to his roommates and when I was introduced to Cody, I figured he must like me. He made eye contact with me and held his gaze longer than most men would on first meeting a new female. I thought he looked extremely tan, short, and semi-built in his good fitting, well-worn jeans and green T. I had an impression, but it was fleeting and as more time elapsed, I didn’t think anything of Cody or his possible attraction toward me. The evening continued as normal and I left FHE when I got tired.
I often saw Cody after that FHE. First off, I noticed him more because I had met him, but I also noticed him more because I thought he liked me. I would see him at church, some casual game nights, church activities, and of course, FHE. On one particular occasion, I was invited to a game night party I knew he would be attending. It was an inconvenient invitation, considering I had plans to attend the temple, then dine and see a movie with my friend. But, knowing that I wanted Cody to like me (and that I looked ridiculously cute in my temple attending outfit), I forced myself to “make an appearance” at the game night…to fuel Cody’s affection as well as any other cute boy who might attend the party. It was 20 minutes to the party from the temple, 10 minutes at the party, and 20 minutes to meet my friend at dinner. The whole party cameo cost a lot in time, convenience, and gas, but I really wanted to see Cody. Which, at this point, was interesting since I wasn’t convinced I was attracted to him. All I knew was I wanted him to be attracted to me and that if nothing else, I was keeping my options open and my ego stroked.
Then, at a Christmas inspired FHE, we went caroling at a senior citizen home. Oh, how I hate to go caroling. I always think the group of carolers I happen to sing with sound horrible (including myself). I also assume that the people who have to suffer through our songs don’t entirely enjoy the music. I just know that if someone was to knock on my door and break out in song, I would feel awkward for them and myself. This FHE was no different, and after a few songs sung by the group to one or two residence, I excused myself from the group mid-song. I just couldn’t stand the discomfort any longer. I found my brother Redge in the lobby. Apparently, our uncomfortable reaction to caroling is genetic and we both had some good laughs at how bad the group sounded in the other room and at how little the residence seemed to enjoy the music. But the evening wasn’t a total waste. After returning to the church for some cookies, Derek, Cody, and their other roommate Jeff invited me and two other girls to a late dinner at Chili’s. It was the first time I really conversed with Cody in a small setting. We all introduced our friends to each another, Larissa introducing me and Derek introducing Cody and so forth. I would fill in the blanks or correct Larissa’s errors as did Larissa for mine. I distinctly remember Cody trying to correct Derek when he described Cody as the most even tempered person he has ever met: never raising his voice, never feeling anger. I also remember Derek describing Cody as hard working and a brilliant business entrepreneur. And these descriptions interested me.
After dinner that evening, I received a friend request from Derek on facebook, who stated that he had enjoyed reading my wall and looking at my pictures with Cody. Derek said that they both concluded that I was hilarious.
On another occasion, I stayed too late at FHE. Three girls: Larissa, Angie, and I stayed after FHE had concluded and just talked with the boys: Derek, Jeff, and of course, Cody. After finally deciding it was entirely too late to be at someone’s home on a Monday night, I decided it was time for me to leave and retire to my bed. On my way home, I texted Cody to apologize for overstaying my welcome. He responded, quickly, something to the effect of, “I wish you would have stayed longer… I usually don’t go to bed until 2 am.” I found the text adorable.
On the last FHE before Christmas, we met at Old Navy as a group to buy presents for an adopted family. I arrived late, as usual, after doing some Christmas shopping of my own. After walking around Old Navy with a green and gray scarf on, I discarded it at the register, with hesitation, knowing that my money was disappearing and the last thing I needed was another thing for me. I complained to the group that I always go Christmas shopping with the intention of buying presents for family, and only end up finding (and buying) items for myself. After my diatribe, the group checked out and walked to the parking lot to get in our cars and head over to a ward member’s house for goodies. In the parking lot, Derek told Cody to ride with me back to the house, in my car. Derek at this point was always telling me or Cody to “go sit next to” the other and other like schemes, so him suggesting Cody go with me without good explanation wasn’t odd or at all surprising. I always found Derek’s propositions very “Junior High-ish,” and sometimes purposely didn’t follow his suggestions because they were awkward or because I, at the time, did’t like being told where to sit or who to talk to, but I figured Derek was helping Cody get close to me so I didn't protest the taxi service scheme. Cody too obliged Derek’s suggestion and we had a pleasant, short ride to the ward member’s house. The conversation mostly surrounded my shopping ventures of the day. Upon arriving at the house, I showed him my finds and received his opinions which extended the ride by a minute or two. The rest of the evening was mingled with other FHE goers and I hardly saw Cody after that.
Christmas was approaching quickly. I went to some last minute Christmas parties before heading up to Montana for the holiday. I went to my friend Charity’s house for one of these parties. I remember dying my quickly fading brown to gray hair and straightening it, thinking that my look had drastically improved and that Cody hadn’t seen my hair straight before. But after talking to Derek at the party, I learned that Cody had already headed up to Utah for his Christmas break and then off to D.C. for a vacation with some friends. I thought, “oh well, too bad.” And looked for another boy to flirt with.
Then, the next day, I went to my parents for laundry and checked their mail. I noticed a package which said Cody’s name on it. I initially thought “why is someone mailing Cody a package and using my address.” Then after a crazy trail of thought, I opened the package to see the very same scarf I had wanted at Old Navy days earlier. Cody had thought to send it to me…had stated in his card that he was at Old Navy again doing another Sub for Santa family, was sure my holiday wouldn’t be complete without the scarf, and thought to buy it for me. He also stated in his card that he hoped to get to know me better in the new year.
I sent him a facebook, thank you email,
“Wow! I am super impressed by you. I went to get the mail late this afternoon and found your package. Like a true airhead I looked at the package and thought, 'why did someone mail cody something at my address.' Ha! In another second I realized that you were the sender and thought, 'oh great, did I leave something at fhe on monday?' You can tell I don't often find myself the recipient of unexpected gifts. Well, I was sick of the guessing game so I opened the package to find my scarf. I have been wearing it all night. I'll catch my reflection every now and then and smile as I think of your thoughtfulness and surprise package.
A very unexpected delight indeed. Thanks for making another Thursday be a very special one. I adore your gift and appreciate the type of person you must be to have thought to mail it to me (braving the post office during the holiday season takes some real balls - and remembering what a girl likes and making her happy by gifting it to her takes a big heart :).
Have a very merry christmas cody and enjoy your travels. Kiss the east coast for me. I miss it.
Robin
p.s. my friend proposed to you tonight behind your back. she, like most of us girls, is a sucker for a good 'ol fashion gentleman. she is quite the male critic so I believe a congratulations is in order. Your mama raised you right!”
I tried to be articulate and complimentary in my email, after all, it was an extremely nice gesture. I was flirty, but simple for me. He responded days later,
“Im glad that you liked the scarf, actually, i knew you would because you were fawning over it at fhe. I find it sad that you are not often the recipient of gifts, hope that changes for you this Christmas and beyond.
I will give your warmest regards to the East Coast, but if the weather there is anything like it is here in Utah right now, I'm not sure I will be in the best mood to be delivering warm regards. I'm dreaming of an Orange County Christmas this year.
Hope you have a great Christmas and New Year.
Cody
If you do anything fun with fellow members of the ward, send an invite to Derek because he is all alone there until January 3rd.”
And it was confirmed, Cody liked me. Because no man writes in a card, “I hope to get to know you better in the New Year,” and buys a scarf for a girl, without implying he likes said girl.
Now I just needed to confirm that I liked him…but before the New Year, I had a vacation to Montana with the family planned and a co-ed New Year’s Eve celebration in Las Vegas. And you never can be sure about anything when going to Vegas in a group of Mormon singles. I could have a boyfriend before the Vegas weekend even ended and before Cody returned to CA and had a chance to “get to know me better” (aka ask me out).
I like the idea of doing the same, especially since I'm planning on making this blog into a journal/scrapbook. I think the posterity will enjoy the story of how we began. I'm going to try to get Cody to write his version, because, of course, they are very different. But I make no promises on his behalf. And hopefully, some of you will actually read this whole thing, but remember, I'm long-winded and detail oriented. Plus, I make no promises of being as entertaining as was my inspiration for this blog. Let's just try to give this a go, shall we?
Here is my version of the beginning.
I was horribly lost trying to find FHE. I forgot the number of my FHE dad, Derek’s apartment and finally needed to call someone who was already at the apartment for the number. I felt stupid going, but felt obligated to support my assigned FHE family, felt I had to put myself “out there” for some dating blessings, not to mention that I was Relief Society President and would have felt guilt had I purposely ditched a ward activity with no good excuse. So, when I finally found the apartment, I was partly relieved and partly hoping I would have never been able to find the apartment. It would have subsided my guilt, alleviated my stupid feeling, still given me points for “dating blessings” because after all, I had tried, and I would have had another opportunity in the future to support my FHE family. But given that I had found the apartment, I turned the knob without knocking (because I was late) and made a grand entrance because I walked in on the middle of the spiritual thought. The evening felt very normal and familiar thereafter. Just a typical FHE. After the thought and some dessert, Derek introduced me to his roommates and when I was introduced to Cody, I figured he must like me. He made eye contact with me and held his gaze longer than most men would on first meeting a new female. I thought he looked extremely tan, short, and semi-built in his good fitting, well-worn jeans and green T. I had an impression, but it was fleeting and as more time elapsed, I didn’t think anything of Cody or his possible attraction toward me. The evening continued as normal and I left FHE when I got tired.
I often saw Cody after that FHE. First off, I noticed him more because I had met him, but I also noticed him more because I thought he liked me. I would see him at church, some casual game nights, church activities, and of course, FHE. On one particular occasion, I was invited to a game night party I knew he would be attending. It was an inconvenient invitation, considering I had plans to attend the temple, then dine and see a movie with my friend. But, knowing that I wanted Cody to like me (and that I looked ridiculously cute in my temple attending outfit), I forced myself to “make an appearance” at the game night…to fuel Cody’s affection as well as any other cute boy who might attend the party. It was 20 minutes to the party from the temple, 10 minutes at the party, and 20 minutes to meet my friend at dinner. The whole party cameo cost a lot in time, convenience, and gas, but I really wanted to see Cody. Which, at this point, was interesting since I wasn’t convinced I was attracted to him. All I knew was I wanted him to be attracted to me and that if nothing else, I was keeping my options open and my ego stroked.
Then, at a Christmas inspired FHE, we went caroling at a senior citizen home. Oh, how I hate to go caroling. I always think the group of carolers I happen to sing with sound horrible (including myself). I also assume that the people who have to suffer through our songs don’t entirely enjoy the music. I just know that if someone was to knock on my door and break out in song, I would feel awkward for them and myself. This FHE was no different, and after a few songs sung by the group to one or two residence, I excused myself from the group mid-song. I just couldn’t stand the discomfort any longer. I found my brother Redge in the lobby. Apparently, our uncomfortable reaction to caroling is genetic and we both had some good laughs at how bad the group sounded in the other room and at how little the residence seemed to enjoy the music. But the evening wasn’t a total waste. After returning to the church for some cookies, Derek, Cody, and their other roommate Jeff invited me and two other girls to a late dinner at Chili’s. It was the first time I really conversed with Cody in a small setting. We all introduced our friends to each another, Larissa introducing me and Derek introducing Cody and so forth. I would fill in the blanks or correct Larissa’s errors as did Larissa for mine. I distinctly remember Cody trying to correct Derek when he described Cody as the most even tempered person he has ever met: never raising his voice, never feeling anger. I also remember Derek describing Cody as hard working and a brilliant business entrepreneur. And these descriptions interested me.
After dinner that evening, I received a friend request from Derek on facebook, who stated that he had enjoyed reading my wall and looking at my pictures with Cody. Derek said that they both concluded that I was hilarious.
On another occasion, I stayed too late at FHE. Three girls: Larissa, Angie, and I stayed after FHE had concluded and just talked with the boys: Derek, Jeff, and of course, Cody. After finally deciding it was entirely too late to be at someone’s home on a Monday night, I decided it was time for me to leave and retire to my bed. On my way home, I texted Cody to apologize for overstaying my welcome. He responded, quickly, something to the effect of, “I wish you would have stayed longer… I usually don’t go to bed until 2 am.” I found the text adorable.
On the last FHE before Christmas, we met at Old Navy as a group to buy presents for an adopted family. I arrived late, as usual, after doing some Christmas shopping of my own. After walking around Old Navy with a green and gray scarf on, I discarded it at the register, with hesitation, knowing that my money was disappearing and the last thing I needed was another thing for me. I complained to the group that I always go Christmas shopping with the intention of buying presents for family, and only end up finding (and buying) items for myself. After my diatribe, the group checked out and walked to the parking lot to get in our cars and head over to a ward member’s house for goodies. In the parking lot, Derek told Cody to ride with me back to the house, in my car. Derek at this point was always telling me or Cody to “go sit next to” the other and other like schemes, so him suggesting Cody go with me without good explanation wasn’t odd or at all surprising. I always found Derek’s propositions very “Junior High-ish,” and sometimes purposely didn’t follow his suggestions because they were awkward or because I, at the time, did’t like being told where to sit or who to talk to, but I figured Derek was helping Cody get close to me so I didn't protest the taxi service scheme. Cody too obliged Derek’s suggestion and we had a pleasant, short ride to the ward member’s house. The conversation mostly surrounded my shopping ventures of the day. Upon arriving at the house, I showed him my finds and received his opinions which extended the ride by a minute or two. The rest of the evening was mingled with other FHE goers and I hardly saw Cody after that.
Christmas was approaching quickly. I went to some last minute Christmas parties before heading up to Montana for the holiday. I went to my friend Charity’s house for one of these parties. I remember dying my quickly fading brown to gray hair and straightening it, thinking that my look had drastically improved and that Cody hadn’t seen my hair straight before. But after talking to Derek at the party, I learned that Cody had already headed up to Utah for his Christmas break and then off to D.C. for a vacation with some friends. I thought, “oh well, too bad.” And looked for another boy to flirt with.
Then, the next day, I went to my parents for laundry and checked their mail. I noticed a package which said Cody’s name on it. I initially thought “why is someone mailing Cody a package and using my address.” Then after a crazy trail of thought, I opened the package to see the very same scarf I had wanted at Old Navy days earlier. Cody had thought to send it to me…had stated in his card that he was at Old Navy again doing another Sub for Santa family, was sure my holiday wouldn’t be complete without the scarf, and thought to buy it for me. He also stated in his card that he hoped to get to know me better in the new year.
I sent him a facebook, thank you email,
“Wow! I am super impressed by you. I went to get the mail late this afternoon and found your package. Like a true airhead I looked at the package and thought, 'why did someone mail cody something at my address.' Ha! In another second I realized that you were the sender and thought, 'oh great, did I leave something at fhe on monday?' You can tell I don't often find myself the recipient of unexpected gifts. Well, I was sick of the guessing game so I opened the package to find my scarf. I have been wearing it all night. I'll catch my reflection every now and then and smile as I think of your thoughtfulness and surprise package.
A very unexpected delight indeed. Thanks for making another Thursday be a very special one. I adore your gift and appreciate the type of person you must be to have thought to mail it to me (braving the post office during the holiday season takes some real balls - and remembering what a girl likes and making her happy by gifting it to her takes a big heart :).
Have a very merry christmas cody and enjoy your travels. Kiss the east coast for me. I miss it.
Robin
p.s. my friend proposed to you tonight behind your back. she, like most of us girls, is a sucker for a good 'ol fashion gentleman. she is quite the male critic so I believe a congratulations is in order. Your mama raised you right!”
I tried to be articulate and complimentary in my email, after all, it was an extremely nice gesture. I was flirty, but simple for me. He responded days later,
“Im glad that you liked the scarf, actually, i knew you would because you were fawning over it at fhe. I find it sad that you are not often the recipient of gifts, hope that changes for you this Christmas and beyond.
I will give your warmest regards to the East Coast, but if the weather there is anything like it is here in Utah right now, I'm not sure I will be in the best mood to be delivering warm regards. I'm dreaming of an Orange County Christmas this year.
Hope you have a great Christmas and New Year.
Cody
If you do anything fun with fellow members of the ward, send an invite to Derek because he is all alone there until January 3rd.”
And it was confirmed, Cody liked me. Because no man writes in a card, “I hope to get to know you better in the New Year,” and buys a scarf for a girl, without implying he likes said girl.
Now I just needed to confirm that I liked him…but before the New Year, I had a vacation to Montana with the family planned and a co-ed New Year’s Eve celebration in Las Vegas. And you never can be sure about anything when going to Vegas in a group of Mormon singles. I could have a boyfriend before the Vegas weekend even ended and before Cody returned to CA and had a chance to “get to know me better” (aka ask me out).
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Mouse Update
So, I'm 21 weeks as of yesterday. I'm feeling much, much better and enjoying food more...although I did have some of my dinner last night resurface after looking at some old cut up bananas and not getting ahold of the ensuing gagging episode. Good news is I didn't pee my pants in the process. Also, I ate too much dinner and felt gross until 20 minutes after I vomited. I know that sounds a bit bulimic-ish, but oh well.
My belly is growing like a weed, which hopefully means the mouse is growing too. I'll catch glimpses of my body in the mirror and just shake my head in disbelief. It is really wierd to see my body change, which is odd because I knew very well my stomach would grow and have witnessed other's expanding bellies my whole life. But it is still so wierd to me.
I feel kicks all day long, but Cody hasn't felt any yet. Either my layer of fat around the uterus is interfering, or Cody's impatience is not giving the mouse enough time to give him a good kick.
Sleeping is still good, but not as good as it was before the mouse. I'm a tummy sleeper at heart and have always slept on and loved hard mattresses. Funny thing is when I was home last at my parents, sleeping on the bed I slept on for 20 years, my back hurt from the hard mattress and getting comfortable was difficult. Who knew I'd miss my blow-up bed here in AR?
The only other news is I've had to reduce the amount of time I take showers as well as the water temperature. I was having near fainting spells and was having low blood pressure. It was trippy. All of a sudden, mid washing, I'd feel faint, get nauseous, think I was about to have diarrhea, and the only thing that helped me feel better was opening the shower curtain while laying at the bottom of the tub. I'm happy to report no more spells, but my legs are a bit pricklier because shaving with goose-bump is pointless.
I'll post pictures of my belly soon. Until then, remember that our baby's first ultrasound showed an adorable mouse...and until I hold a baby in my arms, or know the gender, this growing belly has an adorable, and adnormally large, mouse inside.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Heart
Happy Valentine's Day! Before I tell you all that I'm the luckiest wife, and that Cody is the best of husbands, let me share a few love quotes.
I just finished "Love the One You're With" by Emily Giffin. It's an entertaining and indulgent read, but the overall message of love is true. The main character runs into an old boyfriend and for a period of a year is torn between old, resurfaced feelings and her commitment and confusion about her current marriage. Just when you think the novel glorifies cheating behavior (as some of Emily's past novels), it surprises you with the most basic of love definitions: love as a choice, love as a commitment. Basic stuff that too many headed for divorce forget.
"...maybe that's what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all."
Luckily for me committed love involves surges of passion (insert your rolling eyes and vomit here), but as the author points out, love is so much more...and if given a choice, ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE again and again.
The second quote for the day is stolen from my friend, Frances' blog. It's true, and spiritually uplifting. And by President Monson no less.
"I consider charity-- or "the pure love of Christ"-- to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the kind of charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient towards their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.
I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.
There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere."
Lastly, I'd like to quote Mother Teresa,
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
And let me just say, Valentine's Day has become more than a day where I ponder the romantic tales found in movies...it has become more than pondering the loves in my life...my family, my talents and passions, my idealistic dreams. It has become a day where I recognize love in all it's forms and give gratitude for my blessings, none the least of which is my Cody, my Valentine times three years...three wonderful years.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The Announcement and The Holidays
our $6 tree (tree=donated, ornaments=$6 at Target)
Boy, am I behind! Here is our post about our holiday season and our pregnancy announcement.
Cody and I found out we were pregnant on the day we left for our anniversary trip to Branson. It made our whole anniversary weekend full of amazement and wonder for the future. Cody and I decided to wait to tell our families of the pregnancy until the holidays so that we could announce our little mouse in my trap in person. And we did it in person for selfish reasons: we wanted to see our families reaction and celebrate the news together, not individually one call at a time. So this meant we had to tell my family over Thanksgiving while we were in CA and Cody's family at Christmas in UT. Talk about a big secret to keep for my family!
We announced the pregnancy by handing out our Christmas cards early with a pregnancy announcement card also in the envelope. We weren't very inventive in our delivery method, but the card was super cute and goes along with my life theme, birds. Don't ever look online for ideas of how to share pregnancy news for Thanksgiving. Too many involved displaying a positive pregnancy test. Now many of you readers know that I am all too comfortable with germs. I'm a rare hands washer and a let-me-have-a-sip-of-that-drink kind of girl. But, I just thought it bad taste to share such joyous news with a urinated stick in the turkey or cornicopia centerpiece. Talk about losing your appetite, right?
Here is the announcement.
My family couldn't have reacted better. We went to a Wednesday lunch at Bennihana and right after the food was cooked, Cody passed out the cards. Margot, was the first to see the card, "Is this for real?". Brooke, the most boisterous , said, "I knew it! You LIAR!!!". My mom kept saying, "What is it? What is it?" while trying to open the card faster. After reading the card, she had tears in her eyes and came right over to give me a kiss. My dad told Cody, "Good job." It was so fun, really.
Pictures of lunch before the cards were passed out.
The rest of Thanksgiving was a blast as always, but I don't have many pictures on my camera. We went to a USC football game (in the pouring rain!), went to breakfast at Ruby's on Balboa Pier (pictures below), went Christmas shopping, had dinner with some friends, and upon my sister's insistence, we went to Babies R Us of course.
Christmas was three whole weeks later and we were dying to tell Cody's family. After arriving in Utah and spending the first night at a Orvin extended family Christmas party (hotels are fun), the entire family gathered at Mom and Dad's for a Sunday dinner and game night. Unfortunately, Cody's family was either really expecting an announcement or were just joking that we would be making one while in town, but they guessed we would do it THE EXACT WAY we were planning on doing it! So we had to improvise.
Cody decided to put our Christmas card on the fridge next to his siblings, with the announcement under it. It took awhile for anyone to notice, but finally his brother and sister came out to the living room where both Cody and I were playing a card game with his parents and other family members and said to his mom "did you see Cody's Christmas card?", and then handed her the card. She read it and with a tear in her eye jumped up to give us hugs. She then said these beautiful words ... "well, I thought you might have an announcement for us, but then when you guys got here and I saw Robin I thought there was no way because she looked like she had lost weight." Connie scored major Mother-in-law points! Actually, I had lost about 10 pounds due to morning (a.k.a. everytime) sickness.
Pretty drive to Logan:
Here are some pictures of game night, Connie's tree, Cody baking his famous rolls for Christmas, ice skating, and our Christmas break in UT.
I'm such a gamer (of the board and card variety - NOT the video type)! Watch out Rummikub, Monopoly deal is a new favorite!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Mommy Confessions
Last night, Cody discussed an episode of the Dr. Phil show with me entitled, "Mommy Confessions," that has made the news. On this particular episode, an Alaskan mother of 6 is the guest and a video of her disciplining her adopted son is shared. In the video she is seen screaming, giving the child a cold shower, and administering hot sauce as punishment for lying and causing problems at school.
Dr. Phil reprimands the mother's disciplining style and states that she must stop her methods immediately, that they are ineffective and unacceptable, and that he believes she is desperate.
The mother asks Dr. Phil (after being told her methods will never work), "So tell me what will...I will be happy to abandon all of [my disciplining tools]."
Since the show, this Alaskan mother has been charged with misdemeanor child abuse and her story is splattered all over the news. She is hated. She is seen as an "evil" monster. And now I guess discussions on Russian adoption by American families is being had.
And truthfully, I feel bad for this woman. Her child is a difficult child, and she has 6 in total. And although the show glossed over this point, the child's poor behavior is ever present, at home AND at school. The woman openly admits being frustrated and lost as to what to do and how to parent. She willingly puts herself up for critique by going on the show to begin with and while on the show, she gladly concedes her methods for ANY more effective and healthy suggestions.
I don't know why we feel compelled to kick people when they are down, but we do, especially in the media. And it frustrates me. Need I point out that this woman is SEEKING HELP which hardly makes her the worst mother I've ever met.
And as someone whose worked as a mandated reporter (and made reports), I must say that if I discussed the case with CPS in Orange County, the fact the woman was seeking help, willing to receive help, proactive, and humble would make her a breath of fresh air. I probably would have reported her and she might have had a case opened, but the case would only be in place as an aide to her as a parent, not as a punishment tool. My guess would be that parenting classes would be provided as well as follow-up.
I used to work at the Parental Stress Hotline in the greater Boston area for a year. It was volunteer work as part of my domestic violence class at BU. I learned a lot from working at the hotline. Mostly, I learned that parenting is challenging and that parents get desperate and frantic in their discipline techniques when they hit their limit. And that a parent who seeks help is a good parent. Sometimes education is necessary to make them a better parent. But at the end of the day, the difference between good and bad mother's is often determined by their openness to change and improve, to seek out help. And that's what we were there on the hotline to do.
I just get so frustrated with society when we easily critique - like we have all the answers and know all the circumstances. And as I said before, when we knock people when their down. It's like going into confession (or the Bishop's office) with a repentant heart, only to be berated and dismissed. It's shameful. I remind everyone that the episode/segment was entitled, "Mommy Confessions."
To be truthful, my brother Redge once received a cold shower for punishment after forcing Tanner (the youngest) to have a cold shower. I think my mom was trying to show Redge, like for like, the rudeness and discomfort of his behavior toward Tanner. Well, anyway, Redge and my mom have a great relationship and no one is damaged because of the incident.
On the flip side, I've heard of "naughty sauce" as a disciplinary tool and know people, close people, who use it as one of theirs. And although they have different methods (a drop of Tabasco as opposed to a gulp of hot, hot sauce), they swear by it's effectiveness. I doubt I'll ever use it, I like the good old fashion guilt, removal of privileges, and time-out methods, but I don't claim to know best and I certainly haven't seen any trauma or negative effects from this technique on the kids it's used on.
I actually think the most terrorizing aspect of the video shown on Dr. Phil, is the mother's anger, witnessed by her screaming and forceful movements. She doesn't have the tools to separate parenting discipline and being mad at her kid. One thing I learned from a child psychology class in grad school was that we need to discipline with love, with the child's safety, education of right and wrong, and good upbringing in mind, because parenting out of vengeance, retaliation, or anger clouds judgement and is highly less effective.
And I guess the best way to show concerned with the Alaskan mother if you wish, is to offer support. In no way, does demonizing the woman help her become the best parent her kids need. As a woman about to embark on motherhood, I hope to make all the best choices, have the courage to admit error, seek help where needed, and discipline with love. But most of all, where and when I fall short of these goals, as I'm sure I will, I hope that my confessions are received with a bit more compassion.
Dr. Phil reprimands the mother's disciplining style and states that she must stop her methods immediately, that they are ineffective and unacceptable, and that he believes she is desperate.
The mother asks Dr. Phil (after being told her methods will never work), "So tell me what will...I will be happy to abandon all of [my disciplining tools]."
Since the show, this Alaskan mother has been charged with misdemeanor child abuse and her story is splattered all over the news. She is hated. She is seen as an "evil" monster. And now I guess discussions on Russian adoption by American families is being had.
And truthfully, I feel bad for this woman. Her child is a difficult child, and she has 6 in total. And although the show glossed over this point, the child's poor behavior is ever present, at home AND at school. The woman openly admits being frustrated and lost as to what to do and how to parent. She willingly puts herself up for critique by going on the show to begin with and while on the show, she gladly concedes her methods for ANY more effective and healthy suggestions.
I don't know why we feel compelled to kick people when they are down, but we do, especially in the media. And it frustrates me. Need I point out that this woman is SEEKING HELP which hardly makes her the worst mother I've ever met.
And as someone whose worked as a mandated reporter (and made reports), I must say that if I discussed the case with CPS in Orange County, the fact the woman was seeking help, willing to receive help, proactive, and humble would make her a breath of fresh air. I probably would have reported her and she might have had a case opened, but the case would only be in place as an aide to her as a parent, not as a punishment tool. My guess would be that parenting classes would be provided as well as follow-up.
I used to work at the Parental Stress Hotline in the greater Boston area for a year. It was volunteer work as part of my domestic violence class at BU. I learned a lot from working at the hotline. Mostly, I learned that parenting is challenging and that parents get desperate and frantic in their discipline techniques when they hit their limit. And that a parent who seeks help is a good parent. Sometimes education is necessary to make them a better parent. But at the end of the day, the difference between good and bad mother's is often determined by their openness to change and improve, to seek out help. And that's what we were there on the hotline to do.
I just get so frustrated with society when we easily critique - like we have all the answers and know all the circumstances. And as I said before, when we knock people when their down. It's like going into confession (or the Bishop's office) with a repentant heart, only to be berated and dismissed. It's shameful. I remind everyone that the episode/segment was entitled, "Mommy Confessions."
To be truthful, my brother Redge once received a cold shower for punishment after forcing Tanner (the youngest) to have a cold shower. I think my mom was trying to show Redge, like for like, the rudeness and discomfort of his behavior toward Tanner. Well, anyway, Redge and my mom have a great relationship and no one is damaged because of the incident.
On the flip side, I've heard of "naughty sauce" as a disciplinary tool and know people, close people, who use it as one of theirs. And although they have different methods (a drop of Tabasco as opposed to a gulp of hot, hot sauce), they swear by it's effectiveness. I doubt I'll ever use it, I like the good old fashion guilt, removal of privileges, and time-out methods, but I don't claim to know best and I certainly haven't seen any trauma or negative effects from this technique on the kids it's used on.
I actually think the most terrorizing aspect of the video shown on Dr. Phil, is the mother's anger, witnessed by her screaming and forceful movements. She doesn't have the tools to separate parenting discipline and being mad at her kid. One thing I learned from a child psychology class in grad school was that we need to discipline with love, with the child's safety, education of right and wrong, and good upbringing in mind, because parenting out of vengeance, retaliation, or anger clouds judgement and is highly less effective.
And I guess the best way to show concerned with the Alaskan mother if you wish, is to offer support. In no way, does demonizing the woman help her become the best parent her kids need. As a woman about to embark on motherhood, I hope to make all the best choices, have the courage to admit error, seek help where needed, and discipline with love. But most of all, where and when I fall short of these goals, as I'm sure I will, I hope that my confessions are received with a bit more compassion.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)