Rambling Robin

I think it is so dumb that babies need to develop so quickly in such a short period of time. Alivia has changed so many times in her short 9 months of life. I love her ridiculously now in her 9 month old stage, but I miss my little 2 month old, and 4 month old, and 6 month old, and - you get the point. It might sound dramatic, but I mourn the loss of that little little nugget who had a bobble head when she stood on my lap.

I've never been a big fan of change. I think that has been well documented in previous posts. It's a compliment to my life that I love things to remain as they are, I just do. Looking back, I guess I was excited to get married and welcomed the chance to leave bachlorettehood. And for that matter I was excited to become a mother. But with both of these examples, I was still nervous about saying goodbye to all the good times as a single lady and as a newlywed. I distinctly remember crying to Cody thinking about how a baby could change our marriage relationship. We had so much fun together and I didn't want anything or anyone to mess that up.

So disliking the quality of change, or in this instance, the pace of change I see in my daughter, is not surprising in the least. And people always warn you and say, "They grow up way too fast" or "They'll be gone and out of the house before you know it," but it doesn't really mean much until you have a baby and see it for yourself.

I went to go see my friend Lori's new little boy Davis. He is so, so, so, tiny to me...but he is only a few ounces less than Alivia was when she was born. And Alivia next to him looked like such a big girl. Which made me pick her up and hug her because before I know it, she will be the size of James, Lori's firstborn, who'll be 2 in June.

Years of my life have flown by before without a care from me, but this past year of feeling her kick and have hiccups in my belly, meeting her, and seeing her grow is so overwhelming to me. Both because of the pace by which it has flown by, and because of the amount of milestones that have been packed into this year's time frame (April 2011-April 2012). It makes me filled with gratitude for the amazing experiences and growth my family has had while, at the same time, producing sadness for time too quickly experienced. I almost feel robbed.

I try very much to saver everyday, every quirk, every stage. Because before I know it, that quirk has disappeared, that day has left, and we are on to new stages. My bobbing head baby of three months is a 9 month old with good muscle control. And I'm grateful she is healthy and strong, but I wish, I wish I could have had that bobbing head baby for just a while longer.