Grief

Today is 9-11-11. And my mind has been centered on three things: the terrorist attacks 10 years ago today, the beauty of gospel truth, and motherhood.

10 years ago today I was in Boston, at school, specifically the student union (GSU building), wondering why all my fellow students were packed around the various televisions. I remember being slow to walk over to the crowd to see what they were watching, and then being glued to the television for the next 24 hours straight. Boston was a crazy place to be at that time, given that the planes departed from Logan airport. And I remember mourning for lives that were taken too soon; lives of strangers, but fellow citizens of this great country.


My mind has also been pondering my new world of Motherhood. What an awesome responsibility I have...and I've thoroughly enjoyed this new role. I've always loved babies, but I had no idea how much I would love MY baby. "A Mother's Love" really does exist and is stronger than I ever imagined. I have known of three infant deaths that have occurred within the last month...and I'm overwhelmed by the grief these women must feel. Every time I read their blog or facebook posts or hear their comments in church, my heart hurts for them. I know that being a mother to a precious baby, whether for a day, or two weeks, or 7 months is always an enormous blessing, but man, to have it last for only that long - now that is a hard thing to accept. I haven't attended any of these babies funerals because I'm a mess every time I think of these mothers' pain. I couldn't begin to witness their grief with any amount of composure. And truth be told, I have guilt knowing that I have a healthy girl to cuddle and hold. And I know it's not fair that I live in joy with Alivia while they live in waves of overwhelming grief.


Thank goodness I'm a member of a church which teaches about the Savior's atonement, His tender mercies, and watchful eye. It is so good to know that families are eternal...and when our perspectives are short sighted, and we can't be comforted by the eternal nature of our families because we are alive here and now and are missing those that aren't, He is here, now, ready to encircle us in His love and arms. He is "a man acquainted with grief" and a "prince of peace." And although I can only imagine the pain of those families who are mourning those lost 10 years ago today or for those mothers who find themselves burying a child, I know that He knows that pain. He can provide comfort, peace, love, and moments of relief. Moments when the pain, the grieving, is lifted.