Confession #1. I pause my TV all the time when I'm embarrassed on behalf of a TV character. Sometimes it takes me a good 5 minutes to work up the strength to watch the rest of an awkward scene in an episode. I could never watch "Blind Date" because it was chuck full of embarrassing moments and "The Bachelor" takes me forever to get through with all the awkward moments and my ensuing necessary pauses. Well, it just so happened that I was watching "Up all Night" on my DVR and had to pause it, play a game of solitaire, check facebook, and then I could resume watching. I suppose I need distance from the awkwardness, time to tell myself I'm ridiculous and that this is just make believe story-telling. After all, I. Am. An. Adult. Empathy was a gift of mine in therapy, but it is something that gets annoying when I'm watching TV!
Confession #2. I've always thought I was a bit funny. Not hilarious mind you, just funny. And I realize that my humor is often unintentional, often stemming from something I didn't mean to say (like using "it's a doggy dog world" in lieu of "it's a dog eat dog world") or stemming from something I meant to say but didn't realize it would be funny (i.e. saying something wildly inappropriate for the setting, like the word nipple in church, Relief Society). Well, here's my confession: my daughter thinks I'm funny, just not laugh out loud funny. And it hurts my self-esteem. I get smiles the size of Texas and coos and noises, but darn it, I never get a chuckle. Sure she's only 3 months, and laughs might be around the bend, but my self-image is being damaged while I wait.
Confession #3. I'm purposely trying to stunt Alivia's development. I've given her little tummy time because I worry she'll roll over and learn to crawl and grow up too fast. I know I have to do better at aiding her development, but I want my baby to be my baby forever. She makes parenting her easy. She is a good and happy baby. And if I could, I would keep her little forever, to snuggle and smile and be in my arms. But I can't. Rolling over and every thing that comes along with it are knocking at our door. And I have to comply. And I'm bitter about that point. (Cody's the bad guy who sneaks in tummy time so she's not developmentally delayed)
Confession #4. I have out of control gray hair. I should dye my hair every 4 weeks to keep the gray under control, but I stretch it to every 6-8 weeks. My husband does it, from a box, because we're cheap like that, and I have dark hair which takes to box coloring ok. I try to tell Cody how good he has it. Because lets be honest, most woman around here get their hair done professionally. I mean I even get mine cut at The Haircutters for $15! I repeat, Cody doesn't know how good he has it. Even in Arkansas, outside of Orange County CA, ladies get their "hair did" in professional salons.
Confession #5. I'm out of shape. Not the "I-just-had-a-baby" out of shape, but the "you-had-a-baby-3-months-ago-and-now-don't-have-any-excuse" out of shape. I ran this morning for the first time in almost a year(!), and it sucked bad. I felt like I was dying - literally. My head was either going to explode, my heart jump out of my chest, or my legs fall off. Instead, I stopped periodically to walk, because I feared we were in "I'm going to vomit if I don't walk" territory. Cody went with me and tried to coach me against walking. He thought I could power through it. But he was wrong. I was literally going to DIE!!!! I think he was disappointed honestly, but I was equally disappointed. Looks like it's going to be an uphill battle to get me to the point where I can run 30 minutes straight without hacking up a lung - or last night's dinner. Cody was nice enough to say that I ran for 25 minutes today, and that I did a good job, but he lied. If I'm lucky, I ran 15 minutes. Regardless, I have a long way to go before I feel good running. I used to kind of like it, but as it stands right now, I hate it!
Well, that should do it for now. Coming up: Alivia's blessing and our Utah trip.
Robin, Cody, and Alivia: Livin' and Lovin' Life One Day at a Time
Friday, September 30, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
First "Time Out"...
Cody always tells Alivia she's going to get a spankin' if she doesn't finish her bottle. It makes me laugh every time I'm in the kitchen doing dishes and I overhear him say, "Alivia, come on - eat your dinner. You wanna a spankin'? You're gonna get a spankin' if you don't finish your bottle." The reason it's so funny is that it's obviously an absurd threat. He'd never. She's so innocent and precious.
Well, today Alivia didn't get a spankin', but she did get her first "time out." She was naughty and did this while we were enjoying some computer time...
OH! MY! NASTY!** The crazy part is she was wearing a diaper - which clearly malfunctioned - when this happened.
Oh the joys of motherhood...
I quickly stripped her down and cleaned her person, stripped myself, and went to work on the chair while she sat in time-out and thought about what she had done.
The time-out wasn't effective at all. She was smiling and generally happy through out it.
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
So, in a last ditch effort to inflict guilt and remorse, I brought in the chair to show her the damage she had done. And I waited for her to break down in embarrassment and shame. She took one glance at the darn thing, looked at me, yawned, and gave me this look of indifference.
Clearly, this woman doesn't take me very seriously. Good thing I don't take myself very seriously either.
**If you thought the "nasty" was in reference to my stomach (which is accentuated in this picture due to me leaning over to take the skirt shot), you are misled. I was referencing the nasty diaper explosion. Confusing, I know. You'll be happy to note that I started walking and generally moving more this week. Exercise has always been my form of weight management...since I love food, sugar, and all things fattening. I'd be lying to y'all if I didn't admit that I miss my old fat body. This new fat body, although weighing less than the old fat one, go figure, is outright disappointing. The bread dough stomach and widened hips - no thank you! Now, if you'll excuse me. I need to go feed this new body of mine some breakfast.
Well, today Alivia didn't get a spankin', but she did get her first "time out." She was naughty and did this while we were enjoying some computer time...
OH! MY! NASTY!** The crazy part is she was wearing a diaper - which clearly malfunctioned - when this happened.
Oh the joys of motherhood...
I quickly stripped her down and cleaned her person, stripped myself, and went to work on the chair while she sat in time-out and thought about what she had done.
The time-out wasn't effective at all. She was smiling and generally happy through out it.
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
So, in a last ditch effort to inflict guilt and remorse, I brought in the chair to show her the damage she had done. And I waited for her to break down in embarrassment and shame. She took one glance at the darn thing, looked at me, yawned, and gave me this look of indifference.
Clearly, this woman doesn't take me very seriously. Good thing I don't take myself very seriously either.
**If you thought the "nasty" was in reference to my stomach (which is accentuated in this picture due to me leaning over to take the skirt shot), you are misled. I was referencing the nasty diaper explosion. Confusing, I know. You'll be happy to note that I started walking and generally moving more this week. Exercise has always been my form of weight management...since I love food, sugar, and all things fattening. I'd be lying to y'all if I didn't admit that I miss my old fat body. This new fat body, although weighing less than the old fat one, go figure, is outright disappointing. The bread dough stomach and widened hips - no thank you! Now, if you'll excuse me. I need to go feed this new body of mine some breakfast.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Birthday Boy!
My favorite man turned 32 on 9-2-11. He celebrated his birthday 3 times: on a date night with me, at a combined birthday celebration for my father and him with the Bendheims, and on his actual birth date with some visiting Orvins from out of town.
Cody deserves all celebrations we can throw his direction. He is such a hard worker. He is a fun and fabulous husband. And let's not forget that he is a devoted and doting daddy. Plus, the bigger and better his birthdays are, the more pressure he'll feel to make my birthdays all the bigger and better. Just kidding here folks. Well, kind of. Well, I'm just sayin'.
No pictures of our date night were taken, but it was our first date since little Livy was born! I did remember to bring my camera to the Bendheim dinner celebration at my sister's. Somehow my camera always gets used as an entertainment form for the nieces and nephews though, and these are the pictures I end up with...
Aren't they classic?!
On Cody's actual birthday, the day was beautiful so we went to Newport Beach where the waves were HUGE! We did more running away from the water than we did playing in it. The pictures don't do the waves justice. They really were scary big.
It was also little Livy's first trip to the beach. She enjoyed splashing in the waves and getting a sun tan. Well, maybe not so much. Give her a couple years. What she really did was a whole lot of this...
Afterward, we ate some dinner at Ruby's on the pier and ended the night with some games at our condo.
L
Happy happy birthday to my best friend.
Cody deserves all celebrations we can throw his direction. He is such a hard worker. He is a fun and fabulous husband. And let's not forget that he is a devoted and doting daddy. Plus, the bigger and better his birthdays are, the more pressure he'll feel to make my birthdays all the bigger and better. Just kidding here folks. Well, kind of. Well, I'm just sayin'.
No pictures of our date night were taken, but it was our first date since little Livy was born! I did remember to bring my camera to the Bendheim dinner celebration at my sister's. Somehow my camera always gets used as an entertainment form for the nieces and nephews though, and these are the pictures I end up with...
Aren't they classic?!
On Cody's actual birthday, the day was beautiful so we went to Newport Beach where the waves were HUGE! We did more running away from the water than we did playing in it. The pictures don't do the waves justice. They really were scary big.
It was also little Livy's first trip to the beach. She enjoyed splashing in the waves and getting a sun tan. Well, maybe not so much. Give her a couple years. What she really did was a whole lot of this...
Afterward, we ate some dinner at Ruby's on the pier and ended the night with some games at our condo.
L
Happy happy birthday to my best friend.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Grief
Today is 9-11-11. And my mind has been centered on three things: the terrorist attacks 10 years ago today, the beauty of gospel truth, and motherhood.
10 years ago today I was in Boston, at school, specifically the student union (GSU building), wondering why all my fellow students were packed around the various televisions. I remember being slow to walk over to the crowd to see what they were watching, and then being glued to the television for the next 24 hours straight. Boston was a crazy place to be at that time, given that the planes departed from Logan airport. And I remember mourning for lives that were taken too soon; lives of strangers, but fellow citizens of this great country.
My mind has also been pondering my new world of Motherhood. What an awesome responsibility I have...and I've thoroughly enjoyed this new role. I've always loved babies, but I had no idea how much I would love MY baby. "A Mother's Love" really does exist and is stronger than I ever imagined. I have known of three infant deaths that have occurred within the last month...and I'm overwhelmed by the grief these women must feel. Every time I read their blog or facebook posts or hear their comments in church, my heart hurts for them. I know that being a mother to a precious baby, whether for a day, or two weeks, or 7 months is always an enormous blessing, but man, to have it last for only that long - now that is a hard thing to accept. I haven't attended any of these babies funerals because I'm a mess every time I think of these mothers' pain. I couldn't begin to witness their grief with any amount of composure. And truth be told, I have guilt knowing that I have a healthy girl to cuddle and hold. And I know it's not fair that I live in joy with Alivia while they live in waves of overwhelming grief.
Thank goodness I'm a member of a church which teaches about the Savior's atonement, His tender mercies, and watchful eye. It is so good to know that families are eternal...and when our perspectives are short sighted, and we can't be comforted by the eternal nature of our families because we are alive here and now and are missing those that aren't, He is here, now, ready to encircle us in His love and arms. He is "a man acquainted with grief" and a "prince of peace." And although I can only imagine the pain of those families who are mourning those lost 10 years ago today or for those mothers who find themselves burying a child, I know that He knows that pain. He can provide comfort, peace, love, and moments of relief. Moments when the pain, the grieving, is lifted.
10 years ago today I was in Boston, at school, specifically the student union (GSU building), wondering why all my fellow students were packed around the various televisions. I remember being slow to walk over to the crowd to see what they were watching, and then being glued to the television for the next 24 hours straight. Boston was a crazy place to be at that time, given that the planes departed from Logan airport. And I remember mourning for lives that were taken too soon; lives of strangers, but fellow citizens of this great country.
My mind has also been pondering my new world of Motherhood. What an awesome responsibility I have...and I've thoroughly enjoyed this new role. I've always loved babies, but I had no idea how much I would love MY baby. "A Mother's Love" really does exist and is stronger than I ever imagined. I have known of three infant deaths that have occurred within the last month...and I'm overwhelmed by the grief these women must feel. Every time I read their blog or facebook posts or hear their comments in church, my heart hurts for them. I know that being a mother to a precious baby, whether for a day, or two weeks, or 7 months is always an enormous blessing, but man, to have it last for only that long - now that is a hard thing to accept. I haven't attended any of these babies funerals because I'm a mess every time I think of these mothers' pain. I couldn't begin to witness their grief with any amount of composure. And truth be told, I have guilt knowing that I have a healthy girl to cuddle and hold. And I know it's not fair that I live in joy with Alivia while they live in waves of overwhelming grief.
Thank goodness I'm a member of a church which teaches about the Savior's atonement, His tender mercies, and watchful eye. It is so good to know that families are eternal...and when our perspectives are short sighted, and we can't be comforted by the eternal nature of our families because we are alive here and now and are missing those that aren't, He is here, now, ready to encircle us in His love and arms. He is "a man acquainted with grief" and a "prince of peace." And although I can only imagine the pain of those families who are mourning those lost 10 years ago today or for those mothers who find themselves burying a child, I know that He knows that pain. He can provide comfort, peace, love, and moments of relief. Moments when the pain, the grieving, is lifted.
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