First Birthday...

Alivia Pearl Orvin
is 1 year old...

I cannot get over my big baby girl!  She is so stinkin' cute and sassy and sweet and social.  We celebrated her first birthday with a family party last Saturday and with just us three yesterday. 

Alivia is still too young to really understand what all the presents and fuss and decor mean.  She was overwhelmed when opening up presents (she still wanted to absorb what was wrapped in the first package when we were rushing her to open up the next), had a mealtdown when we were singing happy birthday to her (she just wanted to touch the cake early and take off her birthday hat), and yesterday when I gave her our present, she threw it down on the ground.  Ugh, so ungrateful. 

But although she is still too much of a baby to know and understand birthdays, she sure did like the sugar from her cupcake(s) (that's my girl!).  And this mama sure did love celebrating the birth of her one and only.  It means so much to me to have given birth to Livy, and to have enjoyed a year in her company.  Her birthday, very much felt like my birthday.   No, it felt more worthy of celebration than my birthday ever has.  And all the fuss and decorations might have been more for me than for her, but I like to think that one day she will look back in a photo book and feel like her first birthday was celebrated right.

more posts on her birthday to come...

32...

I am officially 32 folks.  Thirty Freakin' Two!!!!! 

My younger self would have looked at the number 32 with heavy eyes, but I have to say that the transition to 32 has been quite the breeze.  No hang-ups on the age or anxieties of unfullfilled goals or depressing thoughts or anything of that nature.  Just a good ol' fashion birthday.

Cody celebrated my birthday with a surprise itenirary.  I was pleased to come down on my birthday morning to find this waiting for me on the kitchen bar next to a vase of flowers...

It was such a great surprise to have a fun filled day with family and friends.  Brunch at Mimi's Cafe with Ali, phone call with Shaunna, nails with Margot, dinner at one of my favorite's (but not Cody's) Cheesecake Factory, and Les Mis at the Performing Arts Center.  It was the perfect day all planned and taken care of by my wonderful husband.

Now, let me just indulge a little and talk about Les Miserable.  Wow!  I saw the musical while in college years ago, but was too immature to pay attention to the story line or words to the songs.  I walked away from the musical confused about what I had just watched.

But at 32, I absolutely understood the story, empathized with the characters, digested every note and word, and bawled my eyes out.  It is a complex story with a lot going on, and because of that, there are layers with hidden morals and messages and so much to enjoy and think about.  I told Cody after the production, that I think, no matter your situation or background or life difficulty, you'll be able to find a character in the story to relate to.  And if you are like me, you'll sit with each character and listen to their life sung through a beautiful solo, and feel it all with them, every single character.  Hence the bawling my eyes out.  It's not call miserable for no reason!

I absolutely loved my activities and look forward to a wonderful year...I sure hope 33 is as easy a transition!

Right about now...

A year ago today, right about now, I was contracting and in hard labor.  By 10:00 pm I was pushing and by 2:02 am, the following morning in the wee hours, a little baby girl's cry filled my labor and delivery room.  I can't believe that 365 days later my nugget is on the eve of her first birthday.  What a trip this whole year has been. 

I've been super sick today, but hope to feel better tomorrow so that I can celebrate Livy's birthday with pomp and circumstance.  But as of tonight, I'm sitting still in my bed thinking of different body aches that consumed me one year ago today.

Oh how I love her... 

Happy Father's Day!!!

I really don't tell Cody how much I appreciate the husband and father he is to me and Alivia (respectively).  I think I'm afraid that if he realizes how amazing I find him to be in both these roles, he'll dial back his involvement or stop striving to be better than the amazing he currently is.  Or something to that effect. 

And if any of you don't know, let me tell you, he is VERY involved in Alivia's day-to-day life.  He is the perfect partner to co-parent with.  He is an extremely loving, fun, and "hands on" father.

I suppose the level of his involvement is measured by Alivia, who will equally go to her father as she will with me.  She behaves similarly for me as she does for him, and with only minor differences, she will laugh and play and be soothed by him just like she could be by me.

Let me also add that he bathes Livy every. single. night.  With little exception.  He is her night time buddy.  And smelly diapers, flying food, and tears don't deter his involvement.  He just knows how to parent the way a father should.

Alivia and I are very spoiled by Cody, and I suppose, despite my fears, he deserves to know how much we appreciate him.  He is a great man, a great husband, and an excellent father.  A natural if you will.

 
So, allow me to wish Cody a very happy first father's day.  My father set the bar pretty darn high.  I had my expectations.  And you, my love, are definitely the type of father I wanted for my children.

Monterey, CA Part I

Cody for Christmas gave me a trip to Monterey and in March we made the trip as a family. I can't believe that Cody went to graduate school in such a picturesque town. I absolutely fell in love.

We arrived on a rainy Friday night, checked into our hotel, and went on a walk down to Fisherman's wharf. We had a bite to eat and headed back to the hotel for the night.  After a 6 hour car ride, and a stroller ride in the rain, Livy struggled to fall asleep in her new pac-n-play in the hotel room with us just five feet from her.  We spent 2 hours trying to get her to go to sleep in her new bed and I suppose all the traveling and change was a bit too much for her. It was also too much for Cody who vocalized some regret about bringing her.

I got so defensive for Livy and pointed out all the many reasons why a little baby might have difficulty in such a situation, and held out hope for a better tomorrow.  Luckily, Livy did get used to her sleeping arrangement after that first night, so aside from a longer morning routine and occasional fuss, she was a great travel buddy.  But Cody would never admit it...after seeing how annoyed I got with his complaints, he kept them coming and coming and coming throughout the vacation for his own enjoyment.  He just likes to get my goat that way.  Like saying, "It's the perfect day...not a cloud in the sky."  Because he knows I love clouds.  And hate that incorrect, popular saying.

So happy to be out of the car!


Rain didn't stop our exploration of Fisherman's Wharf.





On Saturday, we went to Lunch at Monterey Plaza Hotel and Spa with a lovely view, and yummy food. Then we went to the Monterey Aquarium. We walked down the ocean into Pacific Grove to Lover's Point. Followed by dinner in Pacific Grove.

Lunch location and view...

Where I fell in love with the ocean...


Let me show you why...




Honestly, I want to post 1,000 more photos I took on the colors and scenes we saw at the aquarium...but I'll spare you and resign to show you the view from the aquarium.


Here are photos of our walk from the aquarium to Pacific Grove's Lover's Point.

Livy stayed entertained watching the surfers, waves, seagulls, and fishermen...




I am so obsessed with these photos.  I miss that view like crazy and wish I could park my condo right on that beach in Pacific Grove.  Hello Heaven.  Let me just add one more photo from our walk.  This is a private beach owned by Stanford for research, so you can't go on it.  But it still gets good use by the relaxing sea lions.  See them?


More on our March Monterey trip to come....

Breatfeeding

I have never actually breastfed Alivia.  She would never latch.  And after 3 weeks of trying to get her to feed from me, and many tears from both baby and mommy, I decided to pump for her.  She clearly preferred the bottle, and after awhile I just felt selfish pushing my agenda on her.  If I pumped and she bottle fed, she got the same healthy breast milk, without all the stress of me forcing my nipple in her face.

Well, it's been 11 months and almost 1 week.  And I have pumped much longer than I originally thought I'd breastfeed.  I always said that when my child got teeth, I'd stop breastfeeding.  And Alivia cut her first tooth at 5 months and now has 8 teeth!  But I've been able to power through because of the blessed pump and no teeth to breast contact.   

Since we have a wedding in Utah on June 9th, and Alivia is knocking on her birthday door, I've decided the best time to stop is now, give or take a few days.

I am so pleased to get the pump packed away and out of view.  I've never really found a great spot to put it all these months and I hate it sitting next to the couch in plain view.  I'm also excited to simplify my personal routine: no more breast pads, cream, staying up late to get the last pumping in, etc.  Plus, I will be able to de-clutter my undergarments drawer, since I have extra nursing undergarments.  And yes, I am excited to get back to a normal appetite.  Some people breastfeed to lose weight, my sister and I keep some extra extra sugar on our bodies when we are nursing because that's just how God made us.  She says that once she stops breastfeeding she is able to lose the extra stomach weight and I'm assuming this is how it will be for me too.  Fingers crossed.

These things will be so nice.  Not to mention that I won't have any cause for nipple issues (don't forget to ask me about that time I fell asleep pumping.  I had two very purple, blistered, and mad nipples for a week or so.  Fun times).

And yet, I have mixed emotions about stopping. 

Why?  After all, it's not like Alivia and I bond, snuggling, rocking in her nursery, while I breastfeed her.   Certainly not!  I'm attached to a machine that sucks my chest halfway to China and back for crying-out-loud.  And it's certainly not because she'll have a rough go of it.  She's not attached to the pump in anyway, shape, or form and will continue with her bottles (for a little while longer) like always.

So I've thought about this sadness over stopping, and have concluded two possible reasons why.

1. I like being able to do something for Alivia that no other person can do for her.  No, I love being able to do something for her that no one else can.  I nourished her from the beginning, before she was even a thought.  For nine months she was all mine, safe in my belly, being nourished by my body exclusively.  And this first year of life, her growth and livelihood have in large part been because of this pumped milk from me.  And now, she will be independent of me, and my body, for her nourishment.  Cody, conceivably, can do anything that I can do, as could anyone else.  Heck, a cow will now do what I have done.  And I will miss feeling so important and needed in this way.  I have very much liked serving her and loving her in this way.

2. My baby is growing up.  She doesn't need me in a lot of the ways she has needed me thus far.  She is becoming capable in so many areas and I hate, *HATE* change.  I love my baby girl, and she is still very much a baby, but I will miss the newborn and infant stages, where she was so much more dependent on me.  She is almost a year old and I don't want to say goodbye to this first year yet - and all that has been required of me.

So there you have it.  Bittersweet I think is the term to describe my feelings right about now. 
But let me just add, I considered that possibly another reason I am hesitant to stop/sad to stop pumping is because I've heard horror stories of post feeding breasts and their appearance (raisins - empty socks - and other scary stuff).  But, no worries here.  I think we'll be just fine.

And I'm guessing that's more than you wanted to know about my knockers, right?