Let me start from the beginning. Four Monday's ago I went into Dr. Clayton's office for a routine appointment. I had been on bed rest since Thursday because after some monitoring at the hospital, they determined my blood pressure was too high for activity, but not high enough for induction. And at Monday's appointment, my blood pressure was again high. Too high. And Dr. C. decided to admit me for induction at the hospital. He warned me that he didn't have high expectations for a vaginal delivery, since my cervix was as hard as a rock, I was still only 1 cm dilated as I had been for weeks, and baby Alivia's head, although facing down, was very high.
The hospital was extremely busy. In fact, Cody and I got the last room on the labor and delivery floor. Laboring women admitted after me were going to have to give birth in semi-private, shared rooms. And there is nothing fun about giving birth in unison with a stranger. Once in the room, my nurse started monitoring my contractions. Unfortunately, I was ineligible for the drug Dr. C. wanted to start me on to soften my cervix, because I was contracting...like 2-3 contractions every 10 minutes...and the nurse said they were good sized contractions. I was shocked since I couldn't feel them and they didn't seem to be doing much of anything considering I was only 1 cm dilated.
So after some monitoring, around 1 pm I had my water broken and was started on Pitocin. Everything started off great. The on call doctor was able to break my water even though Alivia was very high and the Pitocin was working because I started to feel the contractions and they felt like all those wonderful menstrual cramps I felt throughout my years. Around 3 pm, my nurse checked my progress and discovered I had dialted to a 3!
I was so pleased with myself, that my body was responding well to the pitocin. My nurse was pleased too and Cody was excited because during the cervix exam, my nurse pushed Alivia's head around and made tons of fluid gush out of me. He was fascinated, and it was obvious at this point that Cody was no squeamish man and was going to love everything about the process of child birth.
After the cervix exam, my nurse offered me an epidural, which I had said was part of my birth plan, but I told the nurse that I probably wouldn't want one for awhile. I estimated wanting one around 6:15 pm. Cody and the nurse laughed at my random time estimation, but I just wanted to give myself more exposure to the pain and discomfort of contractions. Up until the offer, I had only felt heavy period cramping, and I didn't want to cheat myself of knowing what true labor feels like.
I was the same way about getting a traffic ticket and having to go to traffic school. Everyone who's been to traffic school commiserates about how awfully boring it is. And the silver lining to getting my one and only traffic violation was that I too could now go to traffic school and participate in conversations about the dumb, stupid, wasted Saturday spent at traffic school. And I wanted to know what labor pains really felt like before I opted to get rid of them if for no other reason than to participate in future discussions about how awful contractions feel.
And come 5 or 5:30 pm, I was feeling strong contractions...the kind you can't think through...the kind that you completely ignore conversation around you because all you can do is live through the next couple of seconds...the kind that you just breath in and breath out and breath in harder and breath out the pain. Those type of strong contractions. And I knew I was a silly and stupid woman for choosing some arbitrary time such as 6:15 pm for my epidural.
Plus, the nurses were saying that I needed to start Magnesium, an all together downer drug that is meant to prevent seizures due to high blood pressure, and that drug comes with its own fun bag of symptoms that I knew I couldn't endure while also experiencing the pains of contractions (i.e. nausea, hot flashes, thirst, etc.). I was also told that Dr. C. wanted an internal contraction and baby heart rate monitor inserted, as well as a catheter, and all this sounded much better with an epidural in place than without one.
Unfortunately, nurses switched and I had Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumb as my nurses for the next hour and a half. My lovely nurse Sara, who had been with me since I was admitted, had to deliver another patient, and my new nurse combo (a nurse in training and her trainer), were more interested in nurse education than patient assistance. And by the time I requested my epidural, the new nurses moved like molasses to meet my request. And by the time they did request the anesthesiologist, he was helping another patient and then had a C-section...so I was third in line.
At 5:30 pm, my "nurse in training" checked me and said I was dilated to 5 cm. I felt so proud of my body. It was reacting exactly as it should to the medication. By 6:30 pm I had the internal fetal heart rate monitor inserted and we all decided to wait for the epidural to do the catheter, internal contraction monitor, and administration of the Magnesium drip.
At 7:30 I was pinching Cody through the contractions...breathing heavy...and so glad to have Mr. Wonderful Pain Reliever Anesthesiologist Man enter the room. I didn't hear most of his instructions...I just knew I had to stay still. And then I felt a sting in my back, hot and cold injections, an electric shock down my back and leg, and then R. E. L. I. E. F! First on my left side...then on my right. And I said bye-bye to my contraction pain.
And hello to the Magnesium. It really wasn't too bad aside from the thirst. And the vomiting.
This is what R.E.L.I.E.F. looks like:
My next cervix check was at 10 pm and to every one's shock I was 10 cm dilated and my cervix was thin and soft. My nurse let me chill for another 45 minutes and let my contractions do some work for me.
And then it was pushing time. And I pushed for 3 hours. Which was a lot longer than I or the nurse or anyone really expected. I thought that since my body had responded so brilliantly to the pitocin and dilated like a champ, that my body would squeeze out Alivia in record time. But I was dooped. As time passed, I felt like Alivia was never going to come out. And I was exhausted. I felt like I was doing my best work out; like the kind of run where you push yourself too hard for too long and can't catch your breath and end up throwing up on the side of the road. That type of a work out - times ten.
For starters, I was super hot and winded. Then I was thirsty, but thanks to the magnesium, I was not permitted to drink. And I was nauseated as all get out. Luckily, I was able to have ice cold wash clothes on my forehead, and Cody did a great job of administering the cloths in between pushes. Cody also did a stellar job at holding my legs during pushes and being very quiet. The nurse did all the coaching and counting during pushes. By 2 hours of pushing I was beat and my patience for the elongated counting my nurse was doing was wearing thin. Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved my nurse Kathleen, and have become friends with her on facebook (no joke, she requested me), but her counting during pushes was completely off. She would start a count like this, "ok robin. big breath in. now hold it. push, push...harder, harder. good. push through your bum. harder. come on. and 3 - 4 - 5 - 6...". And I died holding my breath that long. She started at 3 every time when she should have started at 9 and she counted SLOW. And since I loved my nurse who I was clearly becoming impatient with, I displaced my anger and impatience toward my blood pressure band which would spontaneously take a blood pressure reading at the most annoying times.
My face felt like it was going to explode and all the pushing my brains out of "my bum" made me so winded and nauseous that I vomited, at least 8 times. And when she finally called Dr. C. and he arrived, I was spent and discouraged at what he said.
Turns out I had been pushing for the last 45 minutes with no progress. Alivia's head had been stuck in the same position. So all that pushing and vomiting and counting and sweat was for nothing. So they called in more nurses. And Dr. C. got out the vacuum and told me it was up to me to push her out...that no one could do it for me. And that I needed to push harder and stronger to get her out. And that if I couldn't get her out with the vacuum in 3 contractions, then I'd need to go in for a c-section. I took in everything he said, but I. was. Beat. Discouraged. Exhausted. Nauseous. Thirsty. HOT. And confused.
I had been pushing harder and stronger from the very beginning, and I didn't know how to do any better than I was doing. And the instructions to "push like a you're having a bowel movement" weren't so helpful, considering I've never pushed out a bowel movement in the reclined position. And before all y'all who don't believe in epidurals go all natural on me by saying it was probably the epidural that was making my pushes ineffective, let me just say that I could feel the pressure of the baby and of my contractions. My epidural was working exactly the way the doctors want them to, by taking away the shooting pain, but maintaining the feeling of pressure. So my supposed lack-luster pushes and confusion on how to push harder and stronger, weren't to be blamed on my epidural. I knew when to push and where to push, but I just didn't know how to do it any differently than I had been doing it the past 3 hours.
But now Dr. C. stepped in. He stood up pulling on Alivia's vacuum suctioned head to help me get her out. He cut me every which way to try to make her path larger. And after 5 contractions with 4 long pushes per contraction, I felt a head come out of me. Our baby girl was born at 2:02 am weighing in at 7 pounds 9 ounces and 19 inches long.
Her chord was wrapped around her neck twice and tight, but I had been lowered (blood pressure caution) so I couldn't see a thing. Dr. C. examined the damage to my body while the pediatric nurse took Alivia to her warming station to wipe her down. I was torn and cut and Cody said you "couldn't tell what was what" in my nether region. Dr. C. said he goes by touch instead of sight sometimes while sewing...and Cody could see why.
So my recovery has been longer than some, considering all the cuts and ripping. For Alivia too, whose noggin had a lovely ring of scabs for two plus weeks where the vacuum had been suctioned on. But all in all, we are both healthy and whole. And we are just glad that pregnancy and child labor are in our past.
Things I want to remember: Getting 3 ice cubes as a reward for pushing hard (3 in 3 hours). Having our nurse Kathleen Murphy know my brother from high school. Having my absorbent pad changed with nearly with every push. Being oblivious to the nurses informing Dr. C. of baby Alivia's dropping heart rate. Being told that vomiting counts as pushing because it contracts your stomach muscles. Having my family, and some of my nurses, think it felt like the north pole in my room, but still feeling hot. Not screaming or crying once in the process of labor to the nurses surprise and praise, but telling Cody, "oh, you better expect a cry fest over something stupid in the next day or two...because the tears are just pint up right now." Then crying my eyes out in the middle of the following night when Alivia wouldn't feed and the nurse told me I had to supplement with a bottle. And the feeling of her head coming out...the calm feeling of "finally." Having my eyes closed for nearly 3 hours straight. Then one of the first things I see in three hours is not my beautiful baby girl but the placenta and thinking "flank steak." Seeing Cody smile from ear to ear while rocking our new daughter while I was being sewn up. And right before leaving the hospital being asked, "Is this your baby?" as protocol requires. And being able to say, "Of course, YES!".
Observations of Alivia:
Long Eye Lashes
Large Nail Beds and Fingers
Alert Baby
Looks older than a Newborn
Dark Hair
Perfect lips
Looks like Cody
Our first family photo:
My parents waited at the hospital until 2 am! I love how alert Alivia is in this photo:
Daddy's girl:
And some of Alivia's first photo shoot in the hospital taken by my sister:
And the morning we went home (photos taken by my mom). Check out my sleeping beauty waiting to be discharged:
And check out my HUGE BELLY!
